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Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
These days, it is seen that youth crime is increasing at a faster rate than ever before. Some people believe that it is mainly because of the lack of parental supervision of their children. I can only partially agree with this argument because I believe that there are also many other factors which contribute to the increased rate of crime among youngsters. To begin with, inadequate knowledge about ethical behaviour or societal rules is the prime reason for young people to commit a crime. The current economic condition of society pushes both the parents to pursue professional careers to ensure better life prospects and educational facilities for their children. Thus, parents are left with no time to guide their children about the ethical norms of mankind. When left alone, children may spend their time watching TV or surfing the internet. They may also make friends with people outside of their social network. Such friendships can push children into wrongdoing. They may develop bad habits like smoking, drinking or substance abuse. Since parents are absent for most of the day, they remain ignorant of their children’s activities until it is too late. However, the absence of parents is not the only reason for the rise in criminal activity among young people. Youngsters coming from families where one or both parents are present throughout the day also get into crime. They are misled by several factors, including the violence shown on television and movies. Peer pressure is another factor that leads to juveniles astray. Poverty and lack of educational opportunities are all factors that encourage criminal activity among young people. In conclusion, I strongly believe that inadequate parental guidance is only one of the reasons for crime among young people. Exposure to violence, growing consumerism and peer pressure also encourage many juveniles to commit acts that are illegal or unethical.
These days, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing at a faster rate than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of parental supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which contribute to the increased rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
among youngsters.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, inadequate knowledge about ethical
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or societal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
is the prime reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic condition of society pushes both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to pursue professional careers to ensure better life prospects and educational facilities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no time to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the ethical norms of mankind. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may spend their time watching TV or surfing the internet. They may
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their social network. Such friendships can push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into wrongdoing. They may develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking, drinking or substance abuse. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are absent for most of the day, they remain ignorant of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
activities until it is too late.

However
, the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for the rise in criminal activity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Youngsters coming from families where one or both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are present throughout the day
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. They
are misled
by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, including the violence shown on television and movies. Peer pressure is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
that leads to juveniles astray. Poverty and lack of educational opportunities are all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that encourage criminal activity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that inadequate parental guidance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Exposure to violence, growing consumerism and peer pressure
also
encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
juveniles to commit acts that are illegal or unethical.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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