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Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.4

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4
Over the past few decades, the rate of juvenile delinquency has surged drastically. Some claim that this problem has occurred because parents neglect their children. I partially agree with this statement as parents are not solely accountable for this matter. This essay will discuss the potential factors which contribute towards societal issues. To begin with, nowadays parents work hard to meet the ends of the family due to the constantly changing socioeconomic conditions, and cannot keep a deliberate watch on their children. During the early phase of life, children require great care and vigilance and its absence can adversely affect their lives. Furthermore, they fall prey to bad company and are prone to develop odd habits like drug abuse, alcohol consumption. There is a host of recorded instances where children become drug addicts due to parent negligence. These instances have bolstered the notion that parents do not spend enough time with their children which significantly contributes in social problems. Although parental ignorance is to some extent is responsible for social issues, poverty is the main detriment which denotes towards this matter. A growing number of people, including me, believe that poverty is the prime reason for the tremendous increase in youth crime. In the impoverished sectors, children at a very young age are forced by their parents to earn for the family. Admittedly, it is difficult for teenagers run the family as they do not have enough funds. Consequently, they are easily enticed by looting, knife crime, pick pocketing and other kinds of illegal acts to earn money. Hence, poverty is the key basis of social problem pertaining to children. To conclude, the rife with societal problems related to children is mainly because parents abandon their children as they cannot find a proper balance between work and personal life. However, I think that parental ignorance along with destitution is responsible for this issue.
Over the past few decades, the rate of juvenile delinquency has surged
drastically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that this problem has occurred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not
solely
accountable for this matter. This essay will discuss the potential factors which contribute towards societal issues.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the ends of the family due to the
constantly
changing socioeconomic conditions, and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a deliberate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. During the early phase of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
require great care and vigilance and its absence can
adversely
affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Furthermore
, they fall prey to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and are prone to develop odd habits like drug abuse, alcohol consumption. There is a host of recorded instances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become drug addicts due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
negligence. These instances have bolstered the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which
significantly
contributes in social problems.

Although parental ignorance is to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent is responsible for social issues, poverty is the main detriment which denotes towards this matter. A growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including me, believe that poverty is the prime reason for the tremendous increase in youth crime. In the impoverished sectors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age
are forced
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to earn for the family.
Admittedly
, it is difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
run the family as they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds.
Consequently
, they are
easily
enticed by looting, knife crime, pick pocketing and other kinds of illegal acts to earn money.
Hence
, poverty is the key basis of social problem pertaining to children.

To conclude
, the rife with societal problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
abandon their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they cannot find a proper balance between work and personal life.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parental ignorance along with destitution is responsible for this issue.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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