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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.11

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 11
Some people think that participating in a community service has been taken as mandatory as learning all subjects in the high school. In my opinion, I strongly support this point as it teaches the children some moral values which helps it in a later part even sports makes a person physically fit. To begin with, one of the important point is that taking part in such activity make people more friendly and learn the skills how to behave in such critical condition and help someone. This type of activity helps to create confidence and build the self-esteem of the person. For example, research conducted shows that taking part in such activity make children more disciplined, sincere and ready to follow any instruction. Moreover, these abilities help the person in later life, such as in a job which helps them to achieve their goals and become able to achieve high incentives. Furthermore, if institute curriculum forces students participate in the sports which will also beneficial for them improves health and learn a particular skill. It may be possible an individual can continue that skills later on as their interest and become a good player. For instance, one of the well known cricket player finds interest in a sport in which academy teacher forces to play it as per their curriculum and later on select that as a career. At last, playing sports also teaches important skills such as, how to play in a team with a team spirit that plays an important role in the workplace. In conclusion, during academic time while participating in a charity work and sports helps in child’s developments and also improves physical health. The government should encourage such action by starting a campaign and by broadcasting the advertisement on Television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that participating in a community service has
been taken
as mandatory as learning all subjects in the high school. In my opinion, I
strongly
support this point as it teaches the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moral values which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
it in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
part even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
physically
fit.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that taking part in such activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more friendly and learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
how to behave in such critical condition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
someone. This type of activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to create confidence and build the self-esteem of the person.
For example
, research conducted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that taking part in such activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children more disciplined, sincere and ready to follow any instruction.
Moreover
, these abilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the person in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
life, such as in a job which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to achieve their goals and become able to achieve high incentives.

Furthermore
, if institute curriculum forces students participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which will
also
beneficial for them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
health and learn a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. It may be possible an individual can continue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
on as their interest and become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
player.
For instance
, one of the well known cricket player finds interest in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in which academy teacher forces to play it as per their curriculum and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
on select that as a career. At last, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
teaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as, how to play in a team with a team spirit that plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the workplace.

In conclusion
, during academic time while participating in a charity work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in child’s developments and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
physical health. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage such action by starting a campaign and by broadcasting the advertisement on Television.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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