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In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.25

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 25
Our ancestors established law and order system to control and stop crimes. Unfortunately, the illegal activities are rising around the globe. In this essay I will list the reasons for this sad state and will provide suggestions to take care to ameliorate this condition. One reason might be lack of employment opportunities and poverty. Due to overpopulation, governments around the world are unable to provide jobs for their subjects and make them poor. This created resentment and in order to meet their ends, unemployed poor people are forced to commit crimes. For example, recent studies reveal both unemployment and crime rates are at all time high. Therefore, governments should find new ways for investment to establish industries and encourage start-up culture. Secondly, impatience among the youngsters. In this modern era, children are used to get things quickly. Children will be easily influenced by their riches and comforts around them. To get instant money which their parents are unable to provide, they turn to crimes. So, parents should teach their kids about patience from the young age by encouraging them to meditate. Another reason being lack of moral education. People have desires to become rich, this desire when turn into greed can make people to commit atrocities to achieve their targets. Hence, education with moral standards must be introduced in order to channel their minds in the right path. For instance, moral classes can be introduced to the students from the primary schools till university level. To summarise, unemployment, poverty and lack of moral education are the reasons for the increase in crime. By increasing the opportunities to earn in the right way can reduce it.
Our ancestors established law and order system to control and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Unfortunately, the illegal activities are rising around the globe. In this essay I will list the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this sad state and will provide suggestions to take care to ameliorate this condition.

One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
might be lack of employment opportunities and poverty. Due to overpopulation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world are unable to provide jobs for their subjects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them poor. This created resentment and in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their ends, unemployed poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, recent studies reveal both unemployment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are at
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should find new ways for investment to establish industries and encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up culture.
Secondly
, impatience among the youngsters. In this modern era, children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things
quickly
. Children will be
easily
influenced by their riches and comforts around them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
instant money which their parents are unable to provide, they turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, parents should teach their kids about patience from the young age by encouraging them to meditate.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
being lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have desires to become rich, this desire when turn into greed can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit atrocities to achieve their targets.
Hence
, education with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
standards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be introduced
in order to channel their minds in the right path.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
classes can
be introduced
to the students from the primary schools till university level.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, unemployment, poverty and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
education are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. By increasing the opportunities to earn in the right way can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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