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While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v.7

While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v. 7
Punishing wrongdoers are a very necessary to maintain peace. Some believe that offenders should be given a custodial sentence. In my opinion, while it is a very effective way of keeping them away from the crime, but there should be more focus on the education and community labour for their rehabilitation. Firstly, the most important reason for imprisonment is that it gives prisoners time to look upon their actions and repent for them. For example, if someone is in prison, then they might feel bad for staying away from their family because of their bad deeds and would not commit these actions again. Moreover, if they go into the open world without repenting for their actions, then they might again get tempted to do something impermissible by law. For this reason, the duration of the sentence is varied as per the seriousness of the offence. On the other hand, rehabilitation of the criminals should be on the agenda of the governments too. So, learning and public work etc. , should be allowed for prisoners who have committed some minor crime. This would help them in reshaping their lives again. For instance, education can teach them how wrong they were, by providing insights to the negative impacts of their doings. Therefore, they would try to become a better person. Furthermore, community labour won't just help them in earning some money, but they might learn some skill such as carpentry etc. This would help them in earning money, when they get out of jail. To conclude, I believe that imprisonment of the offenders is very much needed to maintain peaceful and just society. However, people who have done minor wrongdoings should be rehabilitated as well by providing them facilities such as education, community labour etc.
Punishing wrongdoers are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to maintain peace.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that offenders should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a custodial sentence. In my opinion, while it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way of keeping them away from the crime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be more focus on the education and community
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
for their rehabilitation.

Firstly
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for imprisonment is that it gives prisoners time to look upon their actions and repent for them.
For example
, if someone is in prison, then they might feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for staying away from their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
deeds and would not commit these actions again.
Moreover
, if they go into the open world without repenting for their actions, then they might again
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tempted to do something impermissible by law.
For this reason
, the duration of the sentence
is varied
as per the seriousness of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.

On the other hand
, rehabilitation of the criminals should be on the agenda of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, learning and public work etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for prisoners who have committed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor crime. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in reshaping their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
again.
For instance
, education can teach them how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
they were, by providing insights to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of their doings.
Therefore
, they would try to become a better person.
Furthermore
, community
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
won't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they might learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
such as carpentry etc. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in earning money, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of jail.

To conclude
, I believe that imprisonment of the offenders is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
to maintain peaceful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
society.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have done minor wrongdoings should
be rehabilitated
as well
by providing them facilities such as education, community
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
etc.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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