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Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle? v.1

Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle? v. 1
Crime and punishment have been raising hot disputes since the beginning of the civilizations. On one hand, some people believe that it is important to sentence criminal with the judicial execution if they commit serious crimes. Whereas, others believe that it is not acceptable in modern society. In this essay, I am going to explain both the pros and cons of the death penalty and I will give my opinion in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are several reasons that why judicial execution is not a suitable punishment. First, legally we have no right to kill other human beings. Right to live is the basic right of every individual irrespective of their deeds. For instance, sometimes innocent people get executed, when they have not even carried out the felony. Consequently, general population lose their faith in law and justice when something like this happens. Secondly, sometimes some people repent their crimes, and in that situation court should revoke the final judgement and give them a second chance to do better for themselves and for the society. On the contrary, I personally believe that, judicial execution is necessary. Because, sometimes a person executes an atrocity which is beyond imagination. In addition to this, to prevent people from committing a felony, its better we show them the consequences of their actions. To exemplify this, the government of India is trying to control the terrorist attacks by hanging them to death who have executed some serious terror attacks in past decades. Finally, the government spends large sums of money on the maintenance of jails. Whereas, they can use these funds for the welfare of the society. To sum up, in my opinion, death warrant should only be given in a case if a person has committed the crime consciously and with planning or in other words for their own benefits, but not in case if a person really regrets about the thing he or she has done or they have done it in their defence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
and punishment have been raising hot disputes since the beginning of the civilizations. On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to sentence criminal with the judicial execution if they commit serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, others believe that it is not acceptable in modern society. In this essay, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both the pros and cons of the death penalty and I will give my opinion in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons that why judicial execution is not a suitable punishment.
First
,
legally
we have no right to kill other human beings. Right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is the basic right of every individual irrespective of their deeds.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
executed, when they have not even carried out the felony.
Consequently
, general population lose their faith in law and justice when something like this happens.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
repent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, and in that situation court should revoke the final judgement and give them a second chance to do better for themselves and for the society.

On the contrary
, I
personally
believe that, judicial execution is necessary.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a person executes an atrocity which is beyond imagination.
In addition
to this, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from committing a felony, its better we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them the consequences of their actions. To exemplify this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India is trying to control the terrorist attacks by hanging them to death who have executed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious terror attacks in past decades.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends large sums of money on the maintenance of jails. Whereas, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these funds for the welfare of the society.

To sum up, in my opinion, death warrant should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in a case if a person has committed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
consciously
and with planning or
in other words
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in case if a person
really
regrets about the thing he or she has
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
done or
they have done it in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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