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Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle? v.2

Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle? v. 2
Food and fitness are the two significant factors that can make or break a person. Currently, there is a hike in the count of the people who do not take healthy food and do not care about giving sufficient activities to the body. In this essay, I would like to highlight some of the reasons and remedies that needs to be addressed with regards to the above factors. To begin with, there are a plethora of reasons for eating unhealthy food such as insufficient time, health unawareness, stressful life and cost. In this section, I will focus on two major reasons that I feel are the most vital. Firstly, insufficient time is one of the central reasons for consuming unhealthy food. Owing to this factor, many people eat what they get at that point of time to make themselves satiated. Secondly, most of the people do not have enough knowledge about the perilous effects of eating junk foods and in turn that causes a sabotage effect on their body. Inorder to provide some enthusiasm to the people to work on their fitness, government organizations can conduct frequent sports events such as marathon and cycling and reward them. This could kindle people' s interest and make them involve in some kind of physical activity. The public bodies can also arrange events like trekking and camping for those who are interested. In addition, the commercial business such as the restaurants and the supermarkets can provide some kind of concession or gift for people who seems to take care of their health. To recapitulate, in this essay I have given some causes for taking unhealthy food and remedies that can make a healthy living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
and fitness are the two significant factors that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
or break a person.
Currently
, there is a hike in the count of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not take healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and do not care about giving sufficient activities to the body. In this essay, I would like to highlight
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and remedies that needs to
be addressed
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
the above factors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as insufficient time, health unawareness, stressful life and cost. In this section, I will focus on two major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that I feel are the most vital.
Firstly
, insufficient time is one of the central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for consuming unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Owing to this factor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at that point of time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
themselves satiated.
Secondly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about the perilous effects of eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and in turn that causes a sabotage effect on their body.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Inorder
to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
enthusiasm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work on their fitness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations can conduct frequent sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as marathon and cycling and reward them. This could kindle
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s interest and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical activity. The public bodies can
also
arrange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like trekking and camping for those who
are interested
.
In addition
, the commercial business such as the restaurants and the supermarkets can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of concession or gift for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
seems
to take care of their health.

To recapitulate, in this essay I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes for taking unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and remedies that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a healthy living.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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