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Nowadays there are more and more advertisements. Some people think that they have a negative influence on people, and therefore should be restricted. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays there are more and more advertisements. Some people think that they have a negative influence on people, and therefore should be restricted. v. 1
Owing to the surge in the commercialization of products in the market, there is also a significant increase in the number of advertisements. Although some people believe these should be refrained due to its detrimental impact on people, in my opinion, no restriction should be imposed on commercials as they are not only the source of information but also show the effectiveness of the products. To begin with, the first crucial reason to support my viewpoint is that advertisements are the rich sources of information which aware the public about the product. To elaborate, with the help of these an individual can get the knowledge about the ingredients, price and available offers on the variety of items. As a result, a buyer can have multiple choices to choose the best and the most suitable product. To exemplify, after knowing about the usage of organic material in the making of Patanjali products through the commercials, half of the Indian population started using them. Moreover, proper information about the cost and offers on the products perhaps can protect the consumer from being cheated by the sellers. Secondly, my view is further bolstered by the factor that advertisements provide the liability and effectiveness of the products. This is because to publish an add, producers have to arrange censor board's approval, therefore they are obliged to display the true facts and figures to show the efficacy of the product. For instance, the Dettol soap sales experienced a decline of 30% as the advertising board did not approve the practical facts produced by the company. Therefore, an advertisement which went through a series of processes is more likely to have a positive impact on the public. In conclusion, while some people think commercials have a negative effect, in my perspective, through these a consumer can avail the knowledge about the product and can check its productiveness.
Owing to the surge in the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the market, there is
also
a significant increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe these should
be refrained
due to its detrimental impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, in my opinion, no restriction should
be imposed
on commercials as they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the source of information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the effectiveness of the products.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
crucial reason to support my viewpoint is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are the rich sources of information which aware the public about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. To elaborate, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these an individual can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge about the ingredients, price and available offers on the variety of items.
As a result
, a buyer can have multiple choices to choose the best and the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. To exemplify, after knowing about the usage of organic material in the making of Patanjali
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
through the commercials, half of the Indian population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using them.
Moreover
, proper information about the cost and offers on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
perhaps can protect the consumer from
being cheated
by the sellers.

Secondly
, my view is
further
bolstered by the factor that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
provide the liability and effectiveness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to publish an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
, producers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
arrange censor board's approval,
therefore
they
are obliged
to display the true facts and figures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the efficacy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dettol
soap sales experienced a decline of 30% as the advertising board did not approve the practical facts produced by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Therefore
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which went through a series of processes is more likely to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the public.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
commercials have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect, in my perspective, through these a consumer can avail the knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
its productiveness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Nowadays there are more and more advertisements. Some people think that they have a negative influence on people, and therefore should be restricted. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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