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International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should, therefore, be restricted. Do you agree or not? v.2

International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should, therefore, be restricted. Do you agree or not? v. 2
It is believed that children at their school-age should understand the way that food grown on farms as well as learn how to cook with it in the school curriculum. I completely agree with this opinion for some reasons below. To embark on, when children are involved in farming, they will realize that it requires a great effort to bring food to the table and hence they will value it more. To grow food, the kid would have to sow seeds, water them on a daily basis and take care of the plants in many possible ways. By performing these tasks, they would understand that to grow a single fruit or vegetable a lot of manpower and time is required. This would help them to value food and do not take food waste. To illustrate, a recent research in Vietnam indicates that kids who live in rural areas tend to less wasting food than children in urban areas. That is because children living in the villages remain closer to the farmlands. Furthermore, the art of cooking helps kids to be self-reliant. Cooking food that they have farmed would bring a sense of independence that they can perform their work independently and survive in tough situations. Such self-reliance would give a boost in personality and they can start their chores such as washing or cleaning. This would benefit children’s lifestyle, especially those children who intend to live apart from their country. In conclusion, children must learn the art of farming as it brings them closer to every meal and helps them understand the food value. Also learning the art of cooking enables them to be self-reliant individuals and can take care of themselves in any situation.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their school-age should understand the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
grown on farms
as well
as learn how to cook with it in the school curriculum. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons below.

To embark on, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are involved
in farming, they will realize that it requires a great effort to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to the table and
hence
they will value it more. To grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the kid would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sow seeds, water them on a daily basis and take care of the plants in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible ways. By performing these tasks, they would understand that to grow a single fruit or vegetable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
manpower and time
is required
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and do not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
waste. To illustrate, a recent research in Vietnam indicates that kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural areas tend to less wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in urban areas.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in the villages remain closer to the farmlands.

Furthermore
, the art of cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
kids to be self-reliant. Cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that they have farmed would bring a sense of independence that they can perform their work
independently
and survive in tough situations. Such self-reliance would give a boost in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
personality and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their chores such as washing or cleaning. This would benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
lifestyle,
especially
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
apart from their country.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn the art of farming as it brings them closer to every meal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
value.
Also
learning the art of cooking enables them to be self-reliant individuals and can take care of themselves in any situation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should, therefore, be restricted. Do you agree or not? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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