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Nowadays there are many medical surveys of treatments to reduce health problems. Who should conduct them, governments, individuals, or private companies, in your opinion? Give reasons of your answer and include relevant examples from your experiences. v.1

Nowadays there are many medical surveys of treatments to reduce health problems. Who should conduct them, governments, individuals, or private companies, in your opinion? Give reasons of your answer and include relevant examples from your experiences. v. 1
Energy demand is soaring as economies are moving towards revolution of technology and inventions. There are major amount of productions happened with the help of fossil fuels and now it is available in a lesser quantity. People of any country have their different options on the particular topic. This essay will highlight the reason and some practical solutions to control the environmental issues. It is obvious that consumption of energy has increased which will fulfil the requirements of people which have other demerits too. Moreover, Scientists believe that people should reduce the consumption rate of energy will be a better way to save the environment while the maximum number of people have not taken any action which help to control it. Although, we can say that this is everyone's responsibility to take action which will save our environmental balance. Have we worked for aware people for this? . We have tried, but not able to get the positive results yet. On the other side, People haven't been trying to change their way of living standard. For example, in Indonesia, people have banned to open new factories which will harmful for the atmosphere in the future as a result their environmental index rank top the chart. However, still people think only on their accountability and try to establish new one, but the government will take strict action if found any and frame the policy accordingly. In conclusion, we can't blame any individual for degradation but must raise the interest with the rudimentary norms because this will change their way of thinking on this particular matter. According to me, neglecting the issues will become more concerned in the future and energy is the obligatory needs of every individual.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Energy
demand is soaring as economies are moving towards revolution of technology and inventions. There are major
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of productions happened with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of fossil fuels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is available in a lesser quantity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of any country have their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options on the particular topic. This essay will highlight the reason and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical solutions to control the environmental issues.

It is obvious that consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
has increased which will fulfil the requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which have other demerits too.
Moreover
, Scientists believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
will be a better way to save the environment while the maximum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not taken any action which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to control it.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, we can say that this is everyone's responsibility to take action which will save our environmental balance. Have we worked for aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for this?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
We have tried,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results
yet
.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
haven't been trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their way of living standard.
For example
, in Indonesia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have banned to open new factories which will harmful for the atmosphere in the future
as a result
their environmental index rank top the chart.
However
,
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their accountability and try to establish new one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will take strict action if found any and frame the policy
accordingly
.

In conclusion
, we can't blame any individual for degradation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
raise the interest with the rudimentary norms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their way of thinking on this particular matter.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, neglecting the issues will become more concerned in the future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is the obligatory needs of every individual.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays there are many medical surveys of treatments to reduce health problems. Who should conduct them, governments, individuals, or private companies, in your opinion? Give reasons of your answer and include relevant examples from your experiences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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