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TPO 24 - Question 4Flagship SpeciesEnvironmental organizations work to protect plants and animals whose natural habitats are threatened by human activity. One way they do this is by selecting a particular species to represent the threatened habitat to the v.1

TPO 24 - Question 4Flagship SpeciesEnvironmental organizations work to protect plants and animals whose natural habitats are threatened by human activity. One way they do this is by selecting a particular species to represent the threatened habitat to the v. 1
In recent days, we are seeing most of the working people are being diagnosed with long term disorders like Diabetes, Cholesterol, High or Low Blood pressure, etc. , which is primarily due to lack of bodily exercise. Here we will discuss health issues caused by not performing regular exercise and possible ways of controlling it. Firstly, working professionals in the current generation hardly get free time to concentrate on their physical activities like running, workouts and basic exercises. It is mainly because, people in the current generation are most concerned about their career growth and this kind of thinking makes them work hard for 14 to 16 hours a day, resulting in no leisure life left to take care of their body fitness. It will build up stress in the brain and can lead to blood pressure and sometimes heart attacks. Secondly, even though many multinational companies offer gym facilities on their premises, most of their employees will not use them because of their laziness. In addition to that, most of the present-day jobs don’t have any physical activity involved in it, hence all the blood sugar and cholesterol are piled up in the veins and causes Diabetes. A recent study in the Times magazine shows that only 28% of IT professionals in India spending 2 hours in a day for workouts, which is a very alarming situation of personal fitness. Finally, all the companies should run the fitness awareness campaigns to educate the workers on health issues if they are not performing exercise daily. For those who won’t get enough free time in a day, it is good to use the staircase to reach their office and apartment so that the minimal body movement will be done. In conclusion, maintaining a healthy physique is necessary to avoid health issues and long-term disorders. This can be achieved by regular workouts and a simple change in their routine.
In recent days, we are seeing most of the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
being diagnosed
with long term disorders like Diabetes, Cholesterol, High or Low Blood pressure, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
which is
primarily
due to lack of
bodily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Here we will discuss health issues caused by not performing regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and possible ways of controlling it.

Firstly
, working professionals in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free time to concentrate on their physical activities like running, workouts and basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. It is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation are most concerned about their career growth and this kind of thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for 14 to 16 hours a day, resulting in no leisure life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to take care of their body fitness. It will build up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the brain and can lead to blood pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
heart attacks.

Secondly
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer gym facilities on their premises, most of their employees will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their laziness.
In addition
to that, most of the present-day jobs don’t have any physical activity involved in it,
hence
all the blood sugar and cholesterol
are piled
up in the veins and causes Diabetes. A recent study in the Times magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
28% of IT professionals in India spending 2 hours in a day for workouts, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
alarming situation of personal fitness.

Finally
, all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should run the fitness awareness campaigns to educate the workers on health issues if they are not performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
daily. For those who won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free time in a day, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the staircase to reach their office and apartment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the minimal body movement will
be done
.

In conclusion
, maintaining a healthy physique is necessary to avoid health issues and long-term disorders. This can
be achieved
by regular workouts and a simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their routine.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 24 - Question 4Flagship SpeciesEnvironmental organizations work to protect plants and animals whose natural habitats are threatened by human activity. One way they do this is by selecting a particular species to represent the threatened habitat to the v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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