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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.30

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 30
Nowadays, technology has a huge effect on the way humans communicate with each other. People have become more vibrant in their virtual world, but silent in the world of reality. Most of us tend or even prefer texting to each other rather than talking to each other. Although technology helps us to communicate easier than ever before, it also damages our health. When telegraph was introduced, many people still used letters as their main choice of telecommunication or using both. But since the invention of the telephone, this revolutionized how we interact with each other, from alphabets to speeches. Then, the internet came and made communications between parts of the world possible. Everyone doesn’t have to wait until dinner to communicate with their own family. We can use each of our mobile phones with mobile connection and we are deep inside of our virtual world, where everybody’s expressions are all around. Gradually, we are closer to our online world and further from the offline world and our texts and messages are now louder than our own voices. As we appreciate using our phones as a connector with everyone else, our own bodies are becoming more unhealthy, both in physical and mental. For example, lots of studies about the health consequences affected from our virtual world have been done in recent years. It is possible to summarize that heavy use of phones can damage eyes, finger bones and some cognitive abilities. Also, to our mental health, there is one research about how social media can cause depression especially in the younger generation. Telecommunication technologies throughout human history have changed the way we interact with each other. They also established a new social norm that phones, along with the internet, play a crucial role in communications and make our life easier. On the other hand, phones can make us less healthy, too.
Nowadays, technology has a huge effect on the way humans communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have become more vibrant in their virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
silent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of reality. Most of us tend or even prefer texting to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rather
than talking to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Although technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to communicate easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, it
also
damages our health.

When telegraph
was introduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
letters as their main choice of telecommunication or using both.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
since the invention of the telephone, this revolutionized how we interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, from alphabets to speeches. Then, the internet came and made communications between parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
possible. Everyone doesn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait until dinner to communicate with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
each of our mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
with mobile
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
connection and
we are deep
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
our virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, where everybody’s expressions are all around.
Gradually
, we are closer to our online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
further
from the offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and our texts and messages are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
louder than our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
voices.

As we appreciate using our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as a connector with everyone else, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bodies are becoming more unhealthy, both in physical and mental.
For example
, lots of studies about the health consequences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from our virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
have
been done
in recent years. It is possible
to summarize
that heavy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can damage eyes, finger bones and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cognitive abilities.
Also
, to our mental health, there is one research about how social media can cause depression
especially
in the younger generation.

Telecommunication technologies throughout human history have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They
also
established a new social norm that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, along with the internet, play a crucial role in communications and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life easier. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us less healthy, too.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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