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Many societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Many societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 1
Around the world, many people are living on the streets because of no shelter. While some people believe that giving them financial Aid maybe the best solution. I do partly agree with this statement. However, I believe that there are some other alternatives which need to be considered. In this essay, I will discuss the above statement and explore other alternatives. The main benefit of financial assistance towards homeless people, Which allows them to enjoy the comfort for some time. This is because they are free to rent homes, which allows them to live a comfortable life for a limited period. For example, if a person is poor and cannot afford his own living space, he can Live in accommodation for a few days with the given money. However, it will not be a solution in the long run as he cannot purchase his own house. As a result, financial aid might give them temporary living, but again they will end-up in the same situation from where they started. Other ways which should be taken into account is offering shelter homes and career trainings. Firstly, shelter homes may act as a home, especially, for homeless elderly people who need a strong support system to live. Secondly, younger people can have better career trainings in order to attain better career paths, which can develop them to be financially independent in their life. For instance, Rather than giving money to the youngsters who lives on the streets, It is always a better solution to provide them a free professional help will make them skilled to earn money. As a consequence, it will make them independent and live a quality life. In conclusion, Although giving money will help homeless people to have accommodation for the time-being, but career training and home shelters can also be beneficial as it ameliorate career of younger people and provides safe shelter to elders.
Around the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living on the streets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that giving them financial Aid maybe the best solution. I do partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
However
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other alternatives which need to
be considered
. In this essay, I will discuss the above statement and explore other alternatives.

The main benefit of financial assistance towards homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to enjoy the comfort for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are free to rent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a comfortable life for a limited period.
For example
, if a person is poor and cannot afford his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living space, he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Live
in accommodation for a few days with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, it will not be a solution in the long run as he cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
As a result
, financial aid might give them temporary living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
again they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-up in the same situation from where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.

Other ways which should
be taken
into account is offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
trainings.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
may act as a home,
especially
, for homeless elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need a strong support system to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
Secondly
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
trainings in order to attain better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
paths, which can develop them to be
financially
independent in their life.
For instance
,
Rather
than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the youngsters who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'youngsters' should be used.
lives
on the streets, It is always a better solution to provide them a free professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them skilled to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. As a consequence, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a quality life.

In conclusion
, Although giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have accommodation for the time-being,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
training and home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelters
can
also
be beneficial as it
Did you mean "ameliorates"?
ameliorate


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
career
of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and provides safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shelter
to elders.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Many societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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