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Drug abuse, is becoming increasingly common in the world today. What are some of the problems associated with drug abuse and what are some of the measures that can be taken to solve these problems? v.1

Drug abuse, is becoming increasingly common in the world today. What are some of the problems associated with drug abuse and what are some of the measures that can be taken to solve these problems? v. 1
One way to develop one’s personality is to engage young people in team sports, which is considered better than playing the common games. This essay will point out the beneficial outcomes of participating in sports activity as a group and how it would bring positive contributions to the students’ future. Playing sports does not only help a person to be physically fit, but there are also lessons they would learn through it. Firstly, it allows a better understanding of teamwork and cooperation. Winning is usually the goal but the process of achieving it requires a sense of apprehension to know every members’ strengths and weaknesses and use that in order to come up with an effective playing strategy. Secondly, it trains them to be disciplined individual to maintain their mental and physical well being. For example, there are various restrictions they need to follow such as the sets of foods they are allowed to eat, or the required number of hours of sleep to help them attain their maximum potential. Lastly, at the end of the game, there are also times that they need to face the reality of losing in spite of all the best effort to win. As a result, it enables them to learn to maintain the spirit of sportsmanship and to reflect what could have done better in the future as they continue to endure the flame and strong desire of winning. These lessons will help instill the values and upbringing of a person to shape their character in the future. Just like in sports, as they face the reality of life, they can be able to apply these learnings to be more supportive, emphatic, disciplined, fair and optimistic whatever the challenges come in their way. Having said that, this would entail a better world for them, and even for others. In summary, indeed, playing team sports are more helpful than the usual games as it teaches valuable lessons which are advantageous to their future.
One way to develop one’s personality is to engage young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which
is considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than playing the common games. This essay will point out the beneficial outcomes of participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activity as a group and how it would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contributions to the students’ future.

Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person to be
physically
fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
lessons they would learn through it.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
understanding of teamwork and cooperation. Winning is
usually
the goal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the process of achieving it requires a sense of apprehension to know every members’ strengths and weaknesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with an effective playing strategy.
Secondly
, it trains them to
be disciplined
individual to maintain their mental and physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
For example
, there are various restrictions they need to follow such as the sets of foods they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to eat, or the required number of hours of sleep to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them attain their maximum potential.
Lastly
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the game, there are
also
times that they need to face the reality of losing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
all the best effort to win.
As a result
, it enables them to learn to maintain the spirit of sportsmanship and to reflect what could have done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in the future as they continue to endure the flame and strong desire of winning.

These lessons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
instill the values and upbringing of a person to shape their character in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, as they face the reality of life, they can be able to apply these learnings to be more supportive, emphatic, disciplined,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and optimistic whatever the challenges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in their way. Having said that, this would entail a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
world for them, and even for others.

In summary,
indeed
, playing team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more helpful than the usual games as it teaches valuable lessons which are advantageous to their future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Drug abuse, is becoming increasingly common in the world today. What are some of the problems associated with drug abuse and what are some of the measures that can be taken to solve these problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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