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Nowadays the many way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays the many way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 1
Human interactions in recents time have changed tremendously due to the advent of technology. Whether the impact has improved human-human relationships or otherwise is debatable. Thus, herein, I will briefly opine that technology has led to the outstanding development on the type of relationship people form with one another. Firstly, intimate relationship built upon the great sense of proximity and physical-fondness has been made much possible with technology. For example, I desire to be in love with a woman I can see whenever I want. Without the existence of advanced technological systems such as the light-speed-rail system and aeroplane I will be left with the option of falling in love with a woman next door. Therefore, by taking the advantage of the high speed train which can travel 300 kilometres in less than one hour, I am able to enter into a love relationship with someone living about 500 kilometres away from my residence. Another merit technology has brought is the case of constant communication that cost almost nothing. Communication is a fundamental ingredient in any type of human relationship. It is so important that many peoples experiences, including mine, have shown that it foster and sustain long distance relationships. Maintaining affordable and constant communications have been made possible through technological advancements in telephone. For example, scientific breakthroughs in technology led to smart phones harnessing the power of internet technology and delivering instant means of communication. Thus, providing a strong base for people across the world to interact and know each other with no barriers. Therefore, in conclusion, although the impact of technology on human relation may have some handful of demerits, technology has generally optimized and have continued to facilitate record number of human-human interactions, and local and global relationships among people.
Human interactions in
Possible spelling mistake found.
recents
time have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
tremendously
due to the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Whether the impact has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
human-human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
or
otherwise
is debatable.
Thus
, herein, I will
briefly
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has led to the outstanding development on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
form with one another.

Firstly
, intimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
built upon the great sense of proximity and physical-fondness has
been made
much possible with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, I desire to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with a woman I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
whenever I want. Without the existence of advanced technological systems such as the light-speed-rail system and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
I will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with the option of falling in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with a woman
next
door.
Therefore
, by taking the advantage of the high speed train which can travel 300
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
in less than one hour, I am able to enter into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with someone living about 500
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
away from my residence.

Another merit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought is the case of constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
that cost almost nothing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
is a fundamental ingredient in any type of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
experiences, including mine, have shown that it foster and sustain long distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. Maintaining affordable and constant communications have
been made
possible through technological advancements in telephone.
For example
, scientific breakthroughs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
led to smart phones harnessing the power of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and delivering instant means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Thus
, providing a strong base for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world to interact and know each other with no barriers.

Therefore
,
in conclusion
, although the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on human relation may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
handful of demerits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
generally
optimized and have continued to facilitate record number of human-human interactions, and local and global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Nowadays the many way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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