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Nowadays many people interact with each other and have changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays many people interact with each other and have changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 1
The success follows to those who go beyond their capabilities with calculated risks. Although there would be a verify few people who would volunteer to take this path, it is sure that at the end, they would receive admiration for their achievements. Through the course of this essay I would present convincing thoughts about the fact that successful people always worked with a difference rather what they already knew. To begin with, human history is full of examples of the possible achievements which led to a huge number of discoveries and inventions in almost every field. All became possible because of the risks which the people took by thinking differently an working with persistence to achieve their thought targets. The most relevant example, which I would like to draw upon here is about the scientist who discovered the electric bulb. As per the records, this person named Einstein undertook about two hundred experiments just to conclude the ways with which the bulb cannot be lit. Moreover, at the end of each failure, he admired himself that his risks have made him more knowledgeable to achieve what he was aiming at. In the modern era where competitions are very high in every domain of life, the individuals who would experiment new things, despite the routine process and procedures would be the ones, who would lead the society. Even if we talk about a normal sports event the player who receives the gold medal would be the one who applied a different technique to with the game. In conclusion, taking a risk and working with a different approach is the major attribute of the successful people which enable them to achieve their dreams, and eventually, they form the history for others to learn and follow.
The success follows to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go beyond their capabilities with calculated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. Although there would be
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'verify' is correct. If 'verify' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a verify
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would volunteer to take this path,
In English, people don't say 'it is sure'. They say, 'it is certain that'. Did you mean "it is certain"?
it is sure
that at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they would receive admiration for their achievements. Through the course of this essay I would present convincing thoughts about the fact that successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always worked with a difference
rather
what they already knew.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, human history is full of examples of the possible achievements which led to a huge number of discoveries and inventions in almost every field. All became possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
took by thinking
differently
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
working with persistence to achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
targets. The most relevant example, which I would like to draw upon here is about the scientist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
discovered the electric bulb. As per the records, this person named Einstein undertook about two hundred experiments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to conclude
the ways with which the bulb cannot be lit.
Moreover
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of each failure, he admired himself that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
have made him more knowledgeable to achieve what he was aiming at. In the modern era where competitions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in every domain of life, the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would experiment new things, despite the routine process and procedures would be the ones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would lead the society.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
we talk about a normal sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
the player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
receives the gold medal would be the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
applied a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
technique to with the game.

In conclusion
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and working with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach is the major attribute of the successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which enable them to achieve their dreams, and
eventually
, they form the history for others to learn and follow.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays many people interact with each other and have changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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