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Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
There is no iota of doubt that, television and especially the internet have made it possible for an everyday people to become a celebrity much more easily in the past. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to people lead to a regular, innocent person having their life memorable. However, sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on the pros and cons of this development. To begin with the bright side, the ability to become popular through digital media obviously leads to the opportunity to become rich and famous. Therefore, in the past, this was controlled by film studio executives and record labels, but now a typical person can become a star simply by word of mouth. For instance, many popular YouTube stars became famous (and wealthy) simply by their fans sharing their content and then things snowballed from there. On the flip side of the coil, there are a handful of nasty consequences as well, the dark side of this ease of access to fame is that it can lead to infamy for a person who maybe did not do much to justify it. For example, a new star emerging from the internet or a TV talent show, there are myriad more instances of Everyday Joes who have been harassed and had their lives ruined because of public scrutiny. Furthermore, aforementioned can arise when someone is completely innocent, such as in the case of online bullying, or even when someone seeks out attention but is ruthlessly mocked for trying to do something creative. To conclude, an increase in the ability for people to express themselves and their creativity is an enticing thing in general. Nonetheless, in reality the opportunity to become popular is also the opportunity to become popular for the wrong reasons.
There is no iota of doubt that, television and
especially
the internet have made it possible for an everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a celebrity much more
easily
in the past. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lead to a regular, innocent person having their life memorable.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on the pros and cons of this development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the bright side, the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
through digital media
obviously
leads to the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
Therefore
, in the past, this
was controlled
by film studio executives and record labels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a typical person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a star
simply
by word of mouth.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
YouTube stars became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
(and wealthy)
simply
by their fans sharing their content and then things snowballed from there.

On the flip side of the coil, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of nasty consequences
as well
, the dark side of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access to fame is that it can lead to infamy for a person who maybe did not do much to justify it.
For example
, a new star emerging from the internet or a TV talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, there are myriad more instances of Everyday
Possible spelling mistake found.
Joes
who have
been harassed
and had their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
ruined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of public scrutiny.
Furthermore
, aforementioned can arise when someone is completely innocent, such as in the case of online bullying, or even when someone seeks out attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
ruthlessly
mocked for trying to do something creative.

To conclude
, an increase in the ability for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to express themselves and their creativity is an enticing thing
in general
. Nonetheless, in reality the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
is
also
the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
reasons.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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