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In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this case happening? How should children or teenagers be punished? v.1

In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this case happening? How should children or teenagers be punished? v. 1
More violence content in the media and the lack of correct guidance from parents are to blame for an endemic of juvenile delinquency all around the world. There are a number of punishments which should be meted out to deter youth crime. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to violence in media content and might imitate media violence if their emotional well-being is neglected by parents. For instance, television sometimes encourages aggressive or even violent behaviour among young people, and children who are exposed to those programs would tend to resort to violence when they face problems. In addition, parents pay more attention on physical condition instead of psychological situation of their children. This is particularly the case for single parents, who have to resume childcare responsibility while being occupied with a full-time job. When parents fail to meet their children’s emotional needs, it is possible for children to feel unloved and rejected and therefore take revenge on society. The authorities should take the severity of an offence when it comes to giving punishments to young offenders into account. To be specific, teenagers who commit minor crimes such as pick-pocketing should serve a relative short sentence and have a chance to retrain for new skills in rehabilitation facilities. By doing this, it will ensure them a job when they are back to society. By the contrast, for those who have carried out severe crimes ought to receive harsh punishment such as a long prison sentence regardless their ages. This is because the punishment is a comfort to victims and would have a deterrent effect on society as a whole. Besides, young offenders who commit felony should be given a chance to retrain useful skills and develop better understanding of correct moral behaviour in case of being a repeat offender. In conclusion, a frequent exposure to violence in the media and parental neglect are two contributors to a rising trend of youth crime. The government should carry out punishments according to the severity of a crime and take actions to reintegrate teenage criminals into society when they are free.
More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
content in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the lack of correct guidance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are to blame for an endemic of juvenile delinquency all around the world. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
which should
be meted
out to deter youth crime.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are
particularly
susceptible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
content and might imitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
if their emotional well-being
is neglected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
encourages aggressive or even violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are exposed
to those programs would tend to resort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
when they face problems.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pay more attention on physical condition
instead
of psychological situation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
particularly
the case for single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
resume childcare responsibility while
being occupied
with a full-time job. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
emotional needs, it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel unloved and rejected and
therefore
take revenge on society.

The authorities should take the severity of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
to young offenders into account. To be specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as pick-pocketing should serve a relative short sentence and have a chance to retrain for new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in rehabilitation facilities. By doing this, it will ensure them a job when they are back to society. By the contrast, for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have carried out severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
ought to receive harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
such as a long prison sentence regardless their ages. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is a comfort to victims and would have a deterrent effect on society as a whole.
Besides
, young offenders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit felony should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to retrain useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and develop better understanding of correct moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in case of being a repeat offender.

In conclusion
, a frequent exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and parental neglect are two contributors to a rising trend of youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should carry out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
according to the severity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and take actions to reintegrate teenage criminals into society when they are free.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this case happening? How should children or teenagers be punished? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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