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Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v.6

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 6
While few people relate happiness to money, there are others who firmly believe that contentment can never be achieved through wealth. Different people have varying perspectives about being happy and there is no single definition of It. In fact, all individuals have their own ways of achieving pleasure. Humans are the most beautiful and intelligent creatures of the god. This power of intelligence enables them to think and distinguish themselves from their peers. Although some people feel contented with being rich, however, there are majority of persons who feel prosperous with their family ties. For example, for a successful entrepreneur, earning a profit of one million dollars may not sound fascinating, but for a rickshaw puller, a tip of fifty bucks is like a dream come true. In our society, people link happiness to achieving have-nots in their lives and thus, it has become cumbersome to give a universal definition of being happy. The best way to achieve the state of being contented is to recognize the haves in one’s life. People need to change their way of thinking and interpreting the things. The misconception of being affluent is equal to being happy, needs to be broken. For Instance, the Happiness index, used to determine the contentment level of the citizens of various countries across the globe, has shown that the developing countries are higher in the ranks than the developed ones. It shows that financial stability has little to do with the satisfaction level of the citizens. Furthermore, it is high time to find joy in the little things around us, such as spending time with the family, cooking your favourite meal, listening to your favourite music and going for a short walk with a friend. Thus, there are many other ways through which one can attain the state of being contented. In conclusion, with a desire to achieve more and more, people often fail to recognize what they own and eventually ends up thinking money as the only source of pleasure in their lives. It is hoped that people realize that wealth is not everything and there is happiness in every little thing that surrounds us.
While few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to money, there are others who
firmly
believe that contentment can never
be achieved
through wealth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have varying
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
being happy and there is no single definition of It. In fact, all individuals have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of achieving pleasure.

Humans are the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and intelligent creatures of the god. This power of intelligence enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and distinguish themselves from their peers. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel contented with being rich,
however
, there are
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
persons who feel prosperous with their family ties.
For example
, for a successful entrepreneur, earning a profit of one million dollars may not sound fascinating,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for a rickshaw puller, a tip of fifty bucks is like a dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true. In our society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
link
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to achieving
Possible spelling mistake found.
have-nots
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
thus
, it has become cumbersome to give a universal definition of being happy.

The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to achieve the state of
being contented
is to recognize the haves in one’s life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of thinking and interpreting the things. The misconception of being affluent is equal to being happy, needs to
be broken
.
For Instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
index,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to determine the contentment level of the citizens of various countries across the globe, has shown that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are higher in the ranks than the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that financial stability has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to do with the satisfaction level of the citizens.
Furthermore
, it is high time to find joy in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things around us, such as spending time with the family, cooking your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
meal, listening to your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
music and going for a short walk with a friend.
Thus
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
through which one can attain the state of
being contented
.

In conclusion
, with a desire to achieve more and more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fail to recognize what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
eventually
ends up thinking money as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of pleasure in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that wealth is not everything and there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
thing that surrounds us.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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