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Nowadays Internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous Is this a positive or negative development v.2

Nowadays Internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous Is this a positive or negative development v. 2
Social media has immense influence on the general public and can make or break anyone’s reputation in a nick of time. I believe there is no doubt that in correct circumstances, this is a valuable tool. However, if used wrongly, it can become dangerous weapon and detrimental to both individual and society. Technology has changed our life and the way we communicate and socialize. Social media is the focal of our life and can take any form from sites like Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, online blogs to newspapers, magazines and Television. These media can prove to be the greatest benefit for the ordinary people in a number of ways. Firstly, Teenagers and professionals who have deep knowledge of a particular subject- Mathematics, English literature, Software, Science, Makeup, Lifestyle, Cooking- can make videos and post them on YouTube. These in turn help them to earn money and additionally serves an enormous number of people to gain insight about a subject. Secondly, Reporters go to remote areas and reveal the talents of individuals, who otherwise could not afford to go to major cities to sell their products and services. Thirdly, these cites publish details of day to day life of successful entrepreneurs, businessperson so that others could follow their footsteps to spend an accomplished life. On the other hand, if these media promote bad hobbies and characteristics- pornography, terrorism, violence and scandals- of individuals, it can have lethal effects on youngsters and teenagers as they have not developed their own beliefs and opinions so they can easily be affected and follow their footsteps. Secondly, various programs produce wrong information and facts and figures to get high rating of their program. This could lead individuals to form a wrong concept and context of the event. Thirdly, television produce programs about individual life to get cheap publicity like reality TV programs. Finally, there are so many low-grade videos posted by people on YouTube that they simply waste a lot time of anyone to get to the proper information about the subject matter in question to learn new skills or solve any problem. In conclusion, I believe these media is playing an incredible role to give a platform to people with talents and skills. However, they should scrutinize their content before publishing, posting or streaming.
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has immense influence on the
Consider using "public".
general public
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or break anyone’s reputation in a nick of time. I believe there is no doubt that in correct circumstances, this is a valuable tool.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wrongly
, it can become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
weapon and detrimental to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and society.

Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and the way we communicate and socialize. Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
The phrase 'the focal of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the focal of
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and can take any form from sites like Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, online blogs to newspapers, magazines and Television. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can prove to be the greatest benefit for the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a number of ways.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
and professionals who have deep knowledge of a particular subject- Mathematics, English literature, Software, Science, Makeup, Lifestyle, Cooking- can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
videos and post them on YouTube. These in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to earn money and
additionally
serves an enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain insight about a subject.
Secondly
, Reporters go to remote areas and reveal the talents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, who
otherwise
could not afford to go to major cities to sell their products and services.
Thirdly
, these cites publish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of successful entrepreneurs, businessperson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that others could follow their footsteps to spend an accomplished life.

On the other hand
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
hobbies and characteristics- pornography, terrorism, violence and scandals- of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, it can have lethal effects on youngsters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as they have not developed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
beliefs and opinions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
easily
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and follow their footsteps.
Secondly
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information and facts and figures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high rating of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. This could lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to form a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
concept and context of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Thirdly
, television produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
publicity like reality TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
Finally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
low-grade videos posted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on YouTube that they
simply
waste
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of time"?
a lot time
of anyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the proper information about the
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
in question to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or solve any problem.

In conclusion
, I believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is playing an incredible role to give a platform to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with talents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, they should scrutinize their content
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
publishing, posting or streaming.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Nowadays Internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous Is this a positive or negative development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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