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Nowadays, the football supporters behave violently. What cause? how can we solve it? v.2

Nowadays, the football supporters behave violently. What cause? how can we solve it? v. 2
Nowadays, football is one of the most popular kind of sport among the population. And it is truth that soccer fans often behave aggressively. The root of this problem grows from fear of losing bend and passion for their favourite club and some measures should be taken into consideration in order to prevent violence between supporters. It is common that the overwhelming majority of fans show their aggression if their team loses. The main reason of it is that many people often put a lot of money on their favourite, and this is no surprise that they are frustrated because of their loss. For instance, there are many examples where people lost their accommodations or other pricy belongings, which caused their fighting among each other. To solve this problem special method can be used, certain limitations should be established on betting, so it would not cause so much violence among fans. By doing this, we will save the health and money of supporters. Another reason why it is dangerous to attend such events is simply love. Because some people really love national team of their country and believe in their victory very much, and it causes severe grieve for them if their players lose, and causes mass fightings. For example, some supporters cheer for certain team since their childhood. In order to prevent this problem, simple approach should be taken, the actual performers should make a speech where they declare that they does not encourage this behaviour, so maybe the possibility of mass fighting would go down. Thus, we will make sport event match much safer. To conclude, many football fans harm each other before or after the event. If these methods were used, many injuries would be avoided.
Nowadays, football is one of the most popular kind of sport among the population. And it is truth that soccer fans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
behave
aggressively
. The root of this problem grows from fear of losing bend and passion for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
club and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures should
be taken
into consideration in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
violence between supporters.

It is common that the overwhelming majority of fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their aggression if their team loses. The main reason of it is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
, and this is no surprise that they
are frustrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their loss.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost their accommodations or other
Possible spelling mistake found.
pricy
belongings, which caused their fighting among each other. To solve this problem special method can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, certain limitations should
be established
on betting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would not cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much violence among fans. By doing this, we will save the health and money of supporters.

Another reason why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to attend such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is
simply
Consider using a past participle here: "loved".
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
national team of their country and believe in their victory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much, and it causes severe grieve for them if their players lose, and causes mass
Possible spelling mistake found.
fightings
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supporters cheer for certain team since their childhood. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem, simple approach should
be taken
, the actual performers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a speech where they declare that they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
not encourage this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
maybe the possibility of mass fighting would go down.
Thus
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
match much safer.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
football fans harm each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. If these methods were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
injuries would
be avoided
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Nowadays, the football supporters behave violently. What cause? how can we solve it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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