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There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phones? v.10

There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phones? v. 10
Presently, the popularity of mobile phones has brought about innumerable convenience, but at the meanwhile variety of problems, such as social, medical and technical problems. However, I do not believe these disadvantages will outweigh the advantages brought by cell phones. In this essay, I would like to analyse these three issues in order to support my viewpoint. First of all, almost everything that changed our life style also cause some controversial social issues and mobile phones are not out of expectation. Speaking emphatically on the phone in public areas such as school appears to be very disrespectful and insulting. What is worse, some students utilize their cell phones as an effective cheating device in examinations. Nevertheless, it is not impossible to solve these problems, as long as some regulations and rules can be effectively implemented. In fact, It is worth mentioning that some harmful effects on our health are lethal. According to many, it has been proved that overusing of the electronic devices, including mobile phones could lead to higher possibilities of suffering hearing loss and even cancers, although the further investigation is required. In addition, another debatable problem is about techniques. As a matter of fact, there is panic among the people that their conversation can be intercepted by the third party. Consequently, a more efficient and reliable system may be invented to guarantee the private information of users. Moreover, the mobile phone has become a dispensable tool in people’s daily life. Not only used for communication, but it also functions as an Internet browser and so forth. In conclusion, nothing can be overused without side effects. The contribution of the mobile phone to our modern society is prominent and people’s dependence on it is irreversible, even though it has a number of problems that should be well handled.
Presently
, the popularity of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has brought about innumerable convenience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the meanwhile variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as social, medical and technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, I do not believe these disadvantages will outweigh the advantages brought by cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. In this essay, I would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
these three issues in order to support my viewpoint.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, almost everything that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our life style
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
controversial social issues and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are not out of expectation.

Speaking
emphatically
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in public areas such as school appears to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disrespectful and insulting. What is worse,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students utilize their cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as an effective cheating device in examinations.
Nevertheless
, it is not impossible to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, as long as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can be
effectively
implemented. In fact, It is worth mentioning that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful effects on our health are lethal.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, it has
been proved
that overusing of the electronic devices, including mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
could lead to higher possibilities of suffering hearing loss and even cancers, although the
further
investigation
is required
.
In addition
, another debatable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is about techniques. As a matter of fact, there is panic among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that their conversation can
be intercepted
by the third party.
Consequently
, a more efficient and reliable system may
be invented
to guarantee the private information of users.

Moreover
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become a dispensable tool in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
functions as an Internet browser and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
In conclusion
, nothing can
be overused
without side effects. The contribution of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to our modern society is prominent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s dependence on it is irreversible,
even though
it has a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that should be well handled.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phones? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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