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The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. v. 1
Today parents pay a lot of attention to their  children's success and there is a variety of causes doing that. But I think, it brings more negative things than positive in young's life. Initially, we live in the world of high demands. People always seek for a good life qualities which is obviously contains a stable job with big salaries that become a synonym for the word success. What is pretty normal for people to be more thorough in this matter and that kind of situation provokes a rivalry between people in this area. That is why in family atmosphere parents pay attention for children's future achievement from very small ages. They often put too much pressure to it. For instance, thing like education, sport or other, which I think is not very beneficial. Generally speaking, that the pressure which is laying on children, may cause a lot of stress. Parents put high expectations on a child's life. That is why they have too much  effort at work and afraid of being failed at something. This brings great negative consequences on the psyche of the child and complicates its further development or may even affect his behaviour. In this situation, I think it will be more crucial if parents treat it more freely and give to children more space, more room for self-development and do not overpress. In conclusion, as the analysed reasons above, I strongly believe that parents  overpressure toward children success lead to many negative effects that can affect kid's health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention to their
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
children's success and there is a variety of causes doing that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it brings more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in young's life.

Initially
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the world of high demands.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
always seek for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life qualities which is
obviously
contains a stable job with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
salaries that become a synonym for the word success. What is pretty normal for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be more thorough in this matter and that kind of situation provokes a rivalry between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in this area.
That is
why in family atmosphere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pay attention for children's future achievement from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ages. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
put too much pressure to it.
For instance
, thing like education, sport or other, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial.

Generally
speaking, that the pressure which is laying on children, may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
put high expectations on a child's life.
That is
why they have too much
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
effort at work and afraid of
being failed
at something. This brings great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on the psyche of the child and complicates its
further
development or may even affect his
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In this situation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will be more crucial if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
treat it more
freely
and give to children more space, more room for self-development and do not
Possible spelling mistake found.
overpress
.

In conclusion
, as the
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
reasons above, I
strongly
believe that parents
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Possible spelling mistake found.
overpressure
toward children success lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that can affect kid's health.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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