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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people are being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people are being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In the modern world, technology has brought many changes in our society. With being monitored through security cameras or cell phones, some people believe that it has negative effects on our society. However, many people believe there are a lot more positive effects on people’s lives, such as strong security and saving lives. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give my opinion at the end. One of the huge advantages about being monitored is security. Since governments set many security cameras in public places, the crimes are becoming lower than they used to be. Increasing security cameras demonstrates a measure that banks can take to prevent to being robbed. In return this can protect many people financially, especially those less fortunate. As a result, being monitored will help to increase a stable life. The second benefit to being monitored is saving lives. For people who may have a serious illness, It is possible for them to become incapacitated in public places. Security monitors can potentially inform authorities, lowering the time before emergency services arrive. Thus decreasing casualty rates. On the other hand, being monitored has a deleterious effect on society. When people are on their phones in public places, it is possible for them to be hacked, leaking personal information such as a bank account number. For example, hackers may use a bank account number to manipulate the owner. Governments should take this into consideration to prevent citizens personal information from being exposed to the world. In conclusion, this essay has shown the benefits and drawbacks. I believe that being monitored can help people in many positive ways. Thus, people should realize that security cameras and cell phones can enhance safety and improve their way of life.
In the modern world, technology has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our society. With being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
or cell phones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our society.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe there are a lot more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
and saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give my opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

One of the huge advantages about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
. Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
in public places, the crimes are becoming lower than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
demonstrates a measure that banks can take to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to
being robbed
. In return this can protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
,
especially
those less fortunate.
As a result
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase a stable life.

The second benefit to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
is saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who may have a serious illness, It is possible for them to become incapacitated in public places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
monitors can
potentially
inform authorities, lowering the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
emergency services arrive.
Thus
decreasing casualty rates.
On the other hand
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
has a deleterious effect on society. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are on their phones in public places, it is possible for them to
be hacked
, leaking personal information such as a bank account number.
For example
, hackers may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a bank account number to manipulate the owner.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should take this into consideration to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
citizens personal information from
being exposed
to the world.

In conclusion
, this essay has shown the benefits and drawbacks. I believe that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
and cell phones can enhance safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their way of life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people are being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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