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Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. To what extent do you agree and disagree? v.2

Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. v. 2
In the modern world, it is possible to study at home, thanks to advanced technologies. Accordingly, many people are willing to study online because of its convenience and availability. However, others feel that face-to-face conversation is essential for some profession, such as acting, drawing and architecture. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that online education is comprehensive for only a limited number of professions, it can be utilized for extra trainings. Nowadays, it is true that the paper based study is An old method. In this regard, modern people are keen to replace it with internet resources, as it will be affordable for many citizens. In other words, they should not pay a huge amount of money for their universities and colleges. Furthermore, online learning is comfortable for the housewives, as they will get a knowledge, if the authorities provide them with such kinds of opportunities. For instance, many housewives have duties at home, and this is the main reason why they have not a diploma or certificate. On the other hand, it is clear that some citizens are keen to think that online education cannot replace the old method of teaching, as these changes can negatively influence on their interpersonal skills, such as communication and cooperation with their peers. In this regard, face-to-face communication and leadership is crucial for the students, if they are willing to become well-qualified employees in the future. Moreover, such kinds of teaching methods can isolate the individuals from the society. That is to say, they can become an introvert type of person, if they do not communicate with other people, and this can create many problems for themselves, such as lack of confidence. Consequently, this can damage to their career opportunities. In conclusion, although many people reckon to think that online teaching is beneficial for the citizens, others feel that it cannot be useful for using some kinds of professions. In this regard, I believe that students should be taught at universities and other academic institutions, as nowadays, distance learning cannot replace the old methods.
In the modern world, it is possible to study at home, thanks to advanced technologies.
Accordingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience and availability.
However
, others feel that face-to-face conversation is essential for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profession, such as acting, drawing and architecture. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education is comprehensive for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited number of professions, it can
be utilized
for extra trainings.

Nowadays, it is true that the paper based study is

An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
. In this regard, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to replace it with internet resources, as it will be affordable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they should not pay a huge amount of money for their universities and colleges.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning is comfortable for the housewives, as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a knowledge, if the authorities provide them with such kinds of opportunities.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
housewives have duties at home, and this is the main reason why they have not a diploma or certificate.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education cannot replace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of teaching, as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can
negatively
influence on their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as communication and cooperation with their peers. In this regard, face-to-face communication and leadership is crucial for the students, if they are willing to become well-qualified employees in the future.
Moreover
, such kinds of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
can isolate the individuals from the society.
That is
to say, they can become an introvert type of person, if they do not communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and this can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for themselves, such as lack of confidence.
Consequently
, this can damage to their career opportunities.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
teaching is beneficial for the citizens, others feel that it cannot be useful for using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of professions. In this regard, I believe that students should
be taught
at universities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic institutions, as nowadays, distance learning cannot replace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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