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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
Thanks to advances in technology, authorities can now keep a constant watch on their citizens. While it is true that the people being watched are often unaware of this happening, in my opinion, the benefits of this practice outweigh the disadvantages. The public places in majority of the metropolitan cities are kept under round the clock monitoring with the help of security cameras. The constant vigilance on the densely crowded areas, not only limits the chance of any untoward incidents from taking place but also provides security intelligence in case of any suspicious activity happening. The culprits can be brought to book, with the help of available video evidence. The tracking of non-physical activities like internet usage and cellular phone messages is also possible with the help of available technology. A constant watch on cyber activity provides vital information about any security threats to a particular country and with the help of tracking these activities can be neutralized before taking place. Although the constant information gathered helps in public safety, at times it can cause severe problems to the individual citizens. Sensitive information like bank records or property details if fallen into the hands of criminals can lead to cybercrimes. With the current day technology, money from one person’s account can be transferred to criminals’ account with this information. The tracking of internet usage can also cause inconvenience to the people. Telemarketing agencies target the people based on the information gathered through the cyber activity of people and call them and make phone calls to them without consent. These calls might happen during important working hours leading to decreased productivity. To conclude, constant surveillance provides a safety net to the citizens and country, although there is a danger of confidential information getting leaked to cybercriminals.
Thanks to advances in technology, authorities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on their citizens. While it is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unaware of this happening, in my opinion, the benefits of this practice outweigh the disadvantages.

The public places in
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the metropolitan cities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under round the clock monitoring with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of security cameras. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
vigilance on the
densely
crowded areas, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limits the chance of any untoward incidents from taking place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides security intelligence in case of any suspicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
happening.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
culprits can
be brought
to book, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of available video evidence.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
tracking of non-physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like internet usage and cellular phone messages is
also
possible with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of available technology. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
provides vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about any security threats to a particular country and with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of tracking these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
be neutralized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking place.

Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
gathered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in public safety, at times it can cause severe problems to the individual citizens. Sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
like bank records or property
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
if fallen into the hands of criminals can lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
day technology, money from one person’s account can
be transferred
to criminals’ account with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. The tracking of internet usage can
also
cause inconvenience to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Telemarketing agencies target the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
gathered through the cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and call them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
phone calls to them without consent. These calls might happen during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
working hours leading to decreased productivity.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
surveillance provides a safety net to the citizens and country, although there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
getting leaked to cybercriminals.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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