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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advant v.3

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advant v. 3
With the advancement in technology, people are now able to monitor what people are saying and doing. For instance, with the Global Positioning System (GPS) setting on, parents can track the position of their children to ensure their children reach home safely after school. Sometimes, people are unaware that they are being monitored. It is not surprised when you see a CCTV installed at the side of the road while walking on the street. There are pros and cons on this development which will be discussed further. First of all, the advantage of monitoring a person using a CCTV can enhance the productivity of a company. It is common to find a CCTV in an office in every corner possible. When a worker knows he or she is being monitored by a CCTV, he or she will do the works within the time period given. The worker will perform better and he or she will not work on personal matters during working hours. The installation of CCTV helps the company to supervise the workers. Besides, technology helps police and cops to probe the crime cases. Many people tend to install a CCTV at the front gate of their houses to prevent intruders come to their houses. It would be easier for the police to catch the burglar faster if the CCTV able to capture the face of the burglar. Aforementioned, if a CCTV is installed at the side of the road, it will record and capture the car plate number of the car which goes against the law while driving. On the other hand, the disadvantage of the development is people feel insecure when they are unaware that they are being monitored. There was a case happened recently regarding a boutique store installed a mirror in the fitting room in which the mirror can capture the condition a girl changing clothes. The girl was not aware that she was being monitored in the fitting room until the video was uploaded in social media. This shows the technology is being abused. Another point worth to mention is that the misuse of the technology can lead to safety problem. When a person turns on the GPS setting in his or her phone, other people can track where he or she is in. This will lead to the person being kidnapped. It is therefore advisable not to turn on the GPS setting as it will expose your location to the strangers. In conclusion, technology which is developed to be used to monitor people has advantages and disadvantages. We shall not abuse the technology as it will lead people who are being monitored feel not secure wherever he or she is and they feel they do not have privacy.
With the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to monitor what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are saying and doing.
For instance
, with the Global Positioning System (GPS) setting on, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the position of their children to ensure their children reach home
safely
after school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unaware that they are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
. It is not surprised when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a CCTV installed at the side of the road while walking on the street. There are pros and cons on this development which will
be discussed
further
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the advantage of monitoring a person using a CCTV can enhance the productivity of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It is common to find a CCTV in an office in every corner possible. When a worker knows he or she is being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
by a CCTV, he or she will do the works within the time period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. The worker will perform
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
better and
he or she will not work on personal matters during working hours. The installation of CCTV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to supervise the workers.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
police and cops to probe the crime cases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to install a CCTV at the front gate of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
intruders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. It would be easier for the police to catch the burglar faster if the CCTV able to capture the face of the burglar. Aforementioned, if a CCTV
is installed
at the side of the road, it will record and capture the car plate number of the car which goes against the law while driving.

On the other hand
, the disadvantage of the development is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel insecure when they are unaware that they are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
. There was a case happened recently regarding a boutique store installed a mirror in the fitting room in which the mirror can capture the condition a girl changing clothes. The girl was not aware that she was being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
in the fitting room until the video
was uploaded
in social media. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
being abused
.

Another point worth to mention is that the misuse of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can lead to safety problem. When a person turns on the GPS setting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
phone, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
where he or she is in. This will lead to the person
being kidnapped
. It is
therefore
advisable not to turn on the GPS setting as it will expose your location to the strangers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which
is developed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
advantages and disadvantages. We shall not abuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as it will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitored
feel not secure wherever he or she
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
is and
they feel they do not have privacy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cellphone tracking and security cameras In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening Do you think the advant v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
455 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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