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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.8

In present era, due to the advancement of technology, people are being monitored by various means: CCTV, phone tracking, satellite, call recordings, etc. knowingly or unknowingly without their consent. Personally I think that this development has both advantages and disadvantages. In most of the cities around the world, public are being monitored around the clock by CCTV, which has been installed in all business and residential buildings, shops, roads and traffic signals. The major outcome of this is that, the crime rates and crimes against women has been reduced in the recent years and paves a way for a safer environment to live in.
In present era, due to the advancement of technology,
people
are
being monitored
by various means: CCTV, phone tracking, satellite, call recordings, etc.
knowingly
or
unknowingly
without their consent.
Personally
I
think
that this development has both advantages and disadvantages.

In most of the cities around the world, public are
being monitored
around the clock by CCTV, which has
been installed
in all business and residential buildings, shops, roads and traffic signals. The major outcome of this is that, the crime rates and crimes against women has been
reduced
in the recent years and paves a way for a safer environment to
live
in.
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IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing ( for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening). Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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