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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.8

In present era, due to the advancement of technology, people are being monitored by various means: CCTV, phone tracking, satellite, call recordings, etc. knowingly or unknowingly without their consent. Personally I think that this development has both advantages and disadvantages. In most of the cities around the world, public are being monitored around the clock by CCTV, which has been installed in all business and residential buildings, shops, roads and traffic signals. The major outcome of this is that, the crime rates and crimes against women has been reduced in the recent years and paves a way for a safer environment to live in.

In present era, due to the advancement of technology, This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 are being monitored
 by various means: CCTV, phone tracking, satellite, call recordings, etc. knowingly
 or unknowingly
 without their consent. Personally
 I This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reckonassumebelieveconsider
think
 that this development has both advantages and disadvantages.

In most of the cities around the world, public are being monitored
 around the clock by CCTV, which has been installed
 in all business and residential buildings, shops, roads and traffic signals. The major outcome of this is that, the crime rates and crimes against women has been This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :alleviated
reduced
 in the recent years and paves a way for a safer environment to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reside
live
 in. 

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing ( for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening). Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay

American English

2 paragraphs

104 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
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Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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