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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.10

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10
In recent years, due to advanced technology, technological applications have drawn public attention. Some of them maybe threaten human's security, such as stalking mobile phone and video surveillance. In the most common cases, there are many people do not realize that they are being witnessed. This essay will discuss the positives and negatives of the above view and I strongly believe that it has more benefits for our society. It is true that the technology of monitoring people would violate the privacy of individuals. Citizens have no private room and cannot keep their secrets, which would undermine the quality of their daily life significantly. No matter where they go and who they meet, all of them are exposed under the monitoring of others. Furthermore, some people are even unaware of that they are under monitoring. It renders some outlaws take advantage of these technologies and then commit some serious crime to the innocent people, for example, tracking, committing fraud, even murdering. People are placed in a very passive position because they don't know they are monitored by the state of the art devices. Although the developed techniques have created an insecure situation for the people, it still brings many advantages for them if such techniques are utilized properly. Monitoring, at public places, can help provide safety and security to people. Police and other security personnel can track mobile phone conversations of suspects without them being aware and can, therefore, prevent crime. Camera footage from a crime site may help the police nab a gangster and the same tape can be used for his conviction. For instance, once suspects show up under the camera, the police can take prompt action to bust them in advance so that no one gets hurt during the action. Nevertheless, making good use of the monitoring technology has to ensure all of them are under control of our authority rather than criminals. In conclusion, the advantages of monitoring people via technology outweigh the disadvantages. However, steps need to be taken to ensure that there is no harm to the privacy and integrity of people while monitoring them even when they do not know, that they are being monitored.
In recent years, due to advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, technological applications have drawn public attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them maybe threaten human's security, such as stalking mobile phone and video surveillance. In the most common cases, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not realize that they are
being witnessed
. This essay will discuss the positives and negatives of the above view and I
strongly
believe that it has more benefits for our society.

It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would violate the privacy of individuals. Citizens have no private room and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their secrets, which would undermine the quality of their daily life
significantly
. No matter where they go and who they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, all of them
are exposed
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
of others.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even unaware of that they are under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
. It renders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outlaws take advantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and then commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious crime to the innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, tracking, committing fraud, even murdering.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are placed
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passive position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't know they
are monitored
by the
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
devices.

Although the developed techniques have created an insecure situation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it
still
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for them if such techniques
are utilized
properly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Monitoring
, at public places, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
provide safety and security to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Police and other security personnel can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
mobile phone conversations of suspects without them being aware and can,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
crime. Camera footage from a crime site may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the police nab a gangster and the same tape can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for his conviction.
For instance
, once suspects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up under the camera, the police can take prompt action to bust them in advance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hurt during the action.
Nevertheless
, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
ensure all of them are under control of our authority
rather
than criminals.

In conclusion
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, steps need to
be taken
to ensure that there is no harm to the privacy and integrity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
them even when they do not know, that they are
being monitored
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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