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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
In today's fast-paced world, with the technological advancement it is possible to conduct public surveillance sometimes even without people’s knowledge. It is certainly true that not all the effects of this innovation have been positive, although there are certainly some advantages. This essay discusses the merits and drawbacks of this development. There are several reasons why monitoring people should be banned. The main reason is that a person’s personal data can be stolen through various virus programs that penetrate computers and mobile phones. For example, they may be used in commercial or political proposes by corporations and governments while this person even do not know about it. Additionally, there are many countries in which democracy is established, but there is tracking people, which is contrary to the personal rights and freedoms of people. For instance, the use of security cameras or listening devices can be harmful to society, because people do not have the opportunity to hold meetings and express their opinions without their privacy being invaded. In spite of these negative effects, however, monitoring people has brought important benefits as well. To begin with, the key objective of monitoring devices is to deter criminals, especially in areas where there is a high crime rate. For example, petty criminals such as shoplifters and pickpockets usually operate in crowded places and the presence of cameras can discourage them from theft and committing crime. Moreover, video recordings can be used as powerful evidence to convict offenders who break the law. As a result, such technologies can provide valuable support to the law in order to build a better society with a low crime rate. To sum up, while there are some obvious drawbacks to monitoring people, strong public surveillance helps reduce crime in a society and make it peaceful. Therefore, I tend to believe that tracking people has brought us many more benefits than disadvantages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, with the technological advancement it is possible to conduct public surveillance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
knowledge. It is
certainly
true that not all the effects of this innovation have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, although there are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. This essay discusses the merits and drawbacks of this development.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be banned
. The main reason is that a person’s personal data can
be stolen
through various virus programs that penetrate computers and mobile phones.
For example
, they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in commercial or political proposes by corporations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
while this person even do not know about it.
Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in which democracy
is established
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which is contrary to the personal rights and freedoms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of security cameras or listening devices can be harmful to society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have the opportunity to hold meetings and express their opinions without their privacy
being invaded
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits
as well
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the key objective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
devices is to deter criminals,
especially
in areas where there is a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
For example
, petty criminals such as shoplifters and pickpockets
usually
operate in crowded places and the presence of cameras can discourage them from theft and committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Moreover
, video recordings can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as powerful evidence to convict offenders who break the law.
As a result
, such technologies can provide valuable support to the law in order to build a better society with a low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

To sum up, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, strong public surveillance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in a society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it peaceful.
Therefore
, I tend to believe that tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has brought us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more benefits than disadvantages.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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