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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v.17

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 17
Nowadays, the advancement of technology has immensely catalysed the improvements in our day to day experiences. Technology plays many vital roles in the fields of medicine, industrial science, research, and telecommunications. Additionally, these technological advancements are utilised by security agencies. Some are concerned that recording people's activities through the use of technology without their knowledge are against citizens’ privacy. In my view, this is of little concern compared to the many positive aspects this surveillance brings for us including protecting citizens from terrorists and detecting crimes. Firstly, the implementation of technology, especially in establishments for the use of security, has helped in resolving crimes like theft. More and more companies take advantages of this by installing multiple CCTVs or surveillance cameras around their premises. Criminals who are unaware of these cameras are caught red handed in doing their mischief. In addition, surveillance cameras not only help solve the increasing crime rates but also aid in finding lost items and tracking down runaway pets by reviewing the recording of the previous days and even weeks or months. The sole objective of this monitoring system is to protect and detect crimes, not to violate people’s privacy. The criminals do not come from other planets. They live among us thus to detect them the security authority needs to monitors all citizens. The only disadvantage of the use of technology in this aspect is the violation of a person's privacy. Some individuals hold very high regard to protecting their personal space and would be dismayed to find out that they were recorded on a hidden camera. Because of this, there is a decreased amount of freedom that one has in doing some activities, most especially in public places. In summary, technology has drastically improved our way of living and has greatly contributed to resolving the criminal cases around the vicinity. It is my deepest belief that there is more space for the development of technology which will absolutely defy the few disadvantages that this advancement brings.
Nowadays, the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
immensely
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalysed' is British English.
catalysed
the improvements in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
experiences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vital roles in the fields of medicine, industrial science, research, and telecommunications.
Additionally
, these technological advancements are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by security agencies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are concerned
that recording
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's activities through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
without their knowledge are against citizens’ privacy. In my view, this is of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
concern compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects this surveillance brings for us including protecting citizens from terrorists and detecting crimes.

Firstly
, the implementation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
especially
in establishments for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of security, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in resolving crimes like theft. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
take advantages of this by installing multiple
Possible spelling mistake found.
CCTVs
or surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
around their premises. Criminals who are unaware of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are caught
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
red handed
in doing their mischief.
In addition
, surveillance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve the increasing crime rates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
aid in finding lost items and tracking down runaway pets by reviewing the recording of the previous days and even weeks or months. The sole objective of this monitoring system is to protect and detect crimes, not to violate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s privacy. The criminals do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from other planets. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
among us
thus
to detect them the security authority needs to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "monitor".
monitors
all citizens.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantage of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in this aspect is the violation of a person's privacy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high regard to protecting their personal space and would
be dismayed
to find out that they
were recorded
on a hidden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
.
Because of this
, there is a decreased amount of freedom that one has in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities, most
especially
in public places.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our way of living and has
greatly
contributed to resolving the criminal cases around the vicinity. It is my deepest belief that there is more space for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which will
absolutely
defy the few disadvantages that this advancement brings.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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