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The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v.10

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 10
Today, developments in the cyber-space have revolutionised the way people to communicate. Although it has created better contact options to the users, they have less active relationships than the past, and I believe that this has caused people to become more isolated. On the one hand, citizens are able to communicate better through the web in more different ways. The first is the expansion of social networks. Facebook, twitter or email are three familiar examples that have led all age groups to be able to communicate via their electronic devices. They can see their friends’ pictures, opinions or even their news shared on their page. In addition, trading has become more straightforward. Businesspersons can easily contact to their partners through the Internet via teleconference or Skype; however, in the past trading was not as simple as now, and traders only had to travel and meet their partners. As a result, electronic communication between the businesses has caused people to socially feel closer with each other. On the other hand, innovations in telecommunication have caused humans to become more isolated socially. One reason is that they are used to have less face-to-face relationships. Had the Internet not developed so fast, people would have participated in more social gatherings. For example, twenty years ago, as a high school student, I and others peers were encouraged by our authorities to participate in weekly meetings to discuss educational, social or even personal issues, becoming more socially active, but now many students are interested less. Another reason is that cyber-addiction is a leading reason that citizens to feel less elated. Clearly, the more technology of smartphones develops, the more individuals will be engaged in more variety of applications and become more dependent on them. Therefore, they will spend less time on travelling, spending their time with their friends, becoming more secluded and desperate. In conclusion, modernization has had some positive influences on humans’ relations. However, I personally believe that it has caused people to socially become less active due to spending longer hours on their computers and have less close communication with each other than before.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, developments in the cyber-space have
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate. Although it has created better contact options to the users, they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
active relationships than the past, and I believe that this has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more isolated.

On the one hand, citizens are able to communicate better through the web in more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. The
first
is the expansion of social networks. Facebook, twitter or email are three familiar examples that have led all age groups to be able to communicate via their electronic devices. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their friends’ pictures, opinions or even their news shared on their page.
In addition
, trading has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more straightforward. Businesspersons can
easily
contact to their partners through the Internet via teleconference or Skype;
however
, in the past trading was not as simple as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and traders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had to travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their partners.
As a result
, electronic communication between the businesses has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socially
feel closer with each other.

On the other hand
, innovations in telecommunication have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
humans to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more isolated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socially
. One reason is that they are
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to having".
used to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
face-to-face relationships. Had the Internet not developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have participated in more social gatherings.
For example
, twenty years ago, as a high school student, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
peers
were encouraged
by our authorities to participate in weekly meetings to discuss educational, social or even personal issues, becoming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socially
active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
are interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
. Another reason is that cyber-addiction is a leading reason that citizens to feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
elated.
Clearly
, the more technology of smartphones develops, the more individuals will
be engaged
in more variety of applications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more dependent on them.
Therefore
, they will spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time on travelling, spending their time with their friends, becoming more secluded and desperate.

In conclusion
, modernization has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on humans’ relations.
However
, I
personally
believe that it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
active due to spending longer hours on their computers and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
close communication with each other than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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