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The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v.9

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 9
In today’s modern world, with the development of technology, we are able to communicate with people around the globe. However, some people assert that this advanced technology will not benefit us, in return, it will cause harmful effects on the way people socialise. Thus, we will examine both sides of the argument before reaching a reasonable conclusion. Undoubtedly, people nowadays get benefited due to the advancement in technology, for example, internet. It allows people to communicate with others more easily and in a convenient manner. In the past days, the way people used to communicate was far more troublesome and time-consuming than that in the present day. That is, people could only write letters or send telegrams to keep in touch with their friends or relatives who live in the other part of the world. Nevertheless, internet which is available these days provides an opportunity for people to stay connected with others through social media like Facebook or email. Not forgetting to mention that, it only takes about a second for delivery and receive by their friends or family. Therefore, it is apparent that internet gives a golden chance to people worldwide to communicate with others which is impossible to achieve during the past decades. On the other hand, there is always another side of a coin. The internet is believed to have detrimental side effects on the ability of people to socialise. To begin, internet at home causes the inhabitants of a city to stay at home whenever they are free. This kind of habit will cause them to lose the interpersonal skill which is crucial and should be mastered by every individual in their lives. They should, for instance, take part in youth or sports activities so that they can meet new friends and develop the socialising skill. If they do not learn how to communicate with others in face-to-face conversations, they are less likely to achieve success in their jobs which require the sophisticated communicating skills. Hence, it is clearly shown that people may eventually lose the ability of socialising if they overuse the internet. In conclusion, the internet brings numerous advantages and disadvantages to our lives. However, I believe that we should spend our time wisely on using the internet as it can be more beneficial provided we do not overuse it and we should learn to socialise face-to-face rather than bury their heads into the screens of electronic gadgets.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, with the development of technology, we are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that this advanced technology will not benefit us, in return, it will cause harmful effects on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
.
Thus
, we will examine both sides of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasonable conclusion.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefited due to the advancement in technology,
for example
, internet. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with others more
easily
and
Consider replacing "in a convenient manner" with the adverb for "convenient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a convenient manner
. In the past days, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
was far more troublesome and time-consuming than that in the present day.
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
write letters or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
telegrams to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their friends or relatives who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
part of the world.
Nevertheless
, internet which is available these days provides an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay connected with others through social media like Facebook or email. Not forgetting to mention that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
takes about a second for delivery and receive by their friends or family.
Therefore
, it is apparent that internet gives a golden chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with others which is impossible to achieve during the past decades.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is always another side of a coin. The internet
is believed
to have detrimental side effects on the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, internet at home causes the inhabitants of a city to stay at home whenever they are free. This kind of habit will cause them to lose the interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which is crucial and should
be mastered
by every individual in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They should,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in youth or sports activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new friends and develop the
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. If they do not learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with others in face-to-face conversations, they are less likely to achieve success in their jobs which require the sophisticated communicating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, it is
clearly
shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
eventually
lose the ability of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
if they overuse the internet.

In conclusion
, the internet brings numerous advantages and disadvantages to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, I believe that we should spend our time
wisely
on using the internet as it can be more beneficial provided we do not overuse
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
we should learn to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
face-to-face
rather
than bury their heads into the screens of electronic gadgets.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
404 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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