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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v.1

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 1
In recent years, due to the advanced technology, the technological applications have drawn public attention. Some of them maybe threaten human's security such as stalking mobile phone and video surveillance. In the most common cases, there are many people do not realize that they are being witnessed. This essay will discuss the positives and negatives of the above view and I strongly believe that it has more benefits for our society. It is demonstrated that the utilization of technological devices has increased. It is no doubt that there are many video cameras which are located at everywhere by authorities and phone-tracking systems which monitors their residents' behaviours. It is unfavorable for the general public since the monitoring data is confidential. In other words, they are notified to the public. If these data are misused by the member of the authorities like being sold to another party for business or political purposes, the citizens' privacy will be attacked and they will not easily aware of. Although the developed techniques have created insecure situation to the people, it still brings many advantages for them if such techniques are utilized properly. For instance, with the existence of CCTV, it is helpful for the police department to prevent and investigate and crime activities. If the advancement of monitoring activities are being continued, the difficulties of criminals will dramatically climbed up and it also reduced the number of crimes. In conclusion, it is indicated that the popularity of the usage of advanced technology tools by the government. In addition, in common cases, these monitoring activities are not informed to the public that may be harmful to their privacy. However, in my opinion, it will have more advantages than that disadvantages if that tools are used appropriately.
In recent years, due to the advanced technology, the technological applications have drawn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them maybe threaten human's security such as stalking mobile phone and video surveillance. In the most common cases, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not realize that they are
being witnessed
. This essay will discuss the positives and negatives of the above view and I
strongly
believe that it has more benefits for our society.

It
is demonstrated
that the utilization of technological devices has increased. It is no doubt that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
video cameras which
are located
at everywhere by authorities and phone-tracking systems which monitors their residents'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
is unfavorable for the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
since the monitoring data is confidential.
In other words
, they
are notified
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. If these data
are misused
by the member of the authorities like
being sold
to another party for business or political purposes, the citizens' privacy will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attacked and
they will not
easily
aware of.

Although the developed techniques have created insecure situation to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it
still
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for them if such techniques
are utilized
properly
.
For instance
, with the existence of CCTV, it is helpful for the police department to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and investigate and crime activities. If the advancement of monitoring activities are
being continued
, the difficulties of criminals will
dramatically
climbed up and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the number of crimes.

In conclusion
, it
is indicated
that the popularity of the usage of advanced technology tools by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
In addition
, in common cases, these monitoring activities are not informed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
that may be harmful to their privacy.
However
, in my opinion, it will have more advantages than that disadvantages if that tools are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appropriately
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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