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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v.15

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 15
Technology provides a valuable, almost indispensable aid to our daily living.   It helps us saving time, remembering things, being more efficient and safer. It is thus a logical consequence that it is utilised as a tool to monitor social behaviour, in order to prevent or restrain situations that could cause harm to others. This is indeed the main argument used by those who are in favour of the monitoring use of technology. Tracking phone calls and text messages could preventively stop terrorist attacks, uncover instances of state corruption, and help to investigate crimes. Security cameras have been proven to be an effective small-crime deterrent and allow citizens to move around the city without the constant fear of been robbed, pickpocketed or assaulted. We have to consider, however, that technology is yet not self-sufficient and can only provide a set of data that needs to be interpreted and checked by a human operator. The human factor, as any human factors, will, in turn, belong to a societal web and will, as Foucault would put it, follow a specific, pre-ordered, hierarchy of power. The point at stake here is then not really if we do benefit from the monitoring use of technology, which we surely do, but if such socio-normative and reprimanded apparatuses could not, in fact, be turned against personal freedoms and nurture the rise of totalitarianism. George Orwell's famous novel "1984" provides a dystopic picture of the effects born out of an excessive use of technology as a mean to monitor human lives. In my opinion, technology provides an effective way of preventing and punishing deviant behaviours but could very well, at some point, be used to coerce individuals. For this not to happen, a scrupulous policy in regard to technological monitoring has to be effective at all times.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a valuable, almost indispensable aid to our daily living.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
The verb '' is used with an infinitive: "to save" or "save".
saving
time, remembering things, being more efficient and safer. It is
thus
a logical consequence that it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
as a tool to monitor social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
or restrain situations that could cause harm to others.

This is
indeed
the main argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by those who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the monitoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Tracking phone calls and text messages could
preventively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
terrorist attacks, uncover instances of state corruption, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to investigate crimes. Security cameras have
been proven
to be an effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-crime deterrent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around the city without the constant fear of
been robbed
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pickpocketed
or assaulted.

We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider,
however
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
yet
not self-sufficient and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a set of data that needs to
be interpreted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
operator. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
factor, as any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
factors, will, in turn, belong to a societal web and will, as Foucault would put it, follow a specific, pre-ordered, hierarchy of power. The point at stake here is then not
really
if we do benefit from the monitoring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which we
surely
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if such
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-normative
and reprimanded apparatuses could not, in fact,
be turned
against personal freedoms and nurture the rise of totalitarianism. George Orwell's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
novel
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
1984
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a dystopic picture of the effects born out of an excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as a mean to monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
an effective way of preventing and punishing deviant
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point, be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to coerce individuals. For this not to happen, a scrupulous policy in regard to technological monitoring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be effective at all times.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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