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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v.14

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 14
From my point of view, this development has more benefits, although it has some drawbacks to a certain extent. It is true that the technology of monitoring people would violate the privacy of individuals. Citizens have no private room and can't keep their secrets, which would undermine the quality of their daily life significantly. No matter where they go and who they meet, all of them are exposed under the monitoring of others. Furthermore, some people are even unaware of that they are under monitoring. It renders some outlaws take advantage of these technologies and then commit some serious crime to the innocent people, for example, tracking, committing fraud, even murdering. People are placed in a very passive position because they don't know they are monitored by the state of the art devices. Despite the argument above, the monitoring technology can lead to the positive result as long as we can oversee and control it properly. It can be used to monitor some sensitive locations with high crime rate by our police. There are many instances in our real life that real-time monitoring can help police to prevent crime from happening as they can monitor some specific spots all the time. For instance, once suspects show up under the camera, the police can take prompt action to bust them in advance so that no one gets hurt during the action. Nevertheless, making good use of the monitoring technology has to ensure all of them are under control of our authority rather than criminals. To sum up, although this development has some potential drawbacks like being used by criminal to commit crimes and violate the privacy of individuals,   we can make use of it to help us to prevent crime from happening as long as we ensure all of them are under our control.
From my point of view, this development has more benefits, although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to a certain extent.

It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would violate the privacy of individuals. Citizens have no private room and can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their secrets, which would undermine the quality of their daily life
significantly
. No matter where they go and who they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, all of them
are exposed
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
of others.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are even unaware of that they are under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
. It renders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outlaws take advantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and then commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to the innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, tracking, committing fraud, even murdering.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are placed
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passive position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't know they
are monitored
by the
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
devices.

Despite the argument above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can lead to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result as long as we can oversee and control it
properly
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to monitor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sensitive locations with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate by our police. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances in our real life that real-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
police to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from happening as they can monitor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific spots all the time.
For instance
, once suspects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up under the camera, the police can take prompt action to bust them in advance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hurt during the action.
Nevertheless
, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
ensure all of them are under control of our authority
rather
than criminals.

To sum up, although this development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential drawbacks like being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by criminal to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and violate the privacy of individuals,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
from happening as long as we ensure all of them are under our control.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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