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Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v.3

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 3
It is commonly believed that the extravagant price of health care has been attributed to the involvement of private enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The principle advantage of private health hospitals is that they offer better facilities than state-own institutions, while the main disadvantage is their extravagant treatment cost making ordinary people impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay agrees that its demerit outweigh the merit. Firstly, providing high-grade equipment and labour forces are the principle advantage of private medical care. This is because a private company makes enormous profits from treatment fee of its patients, which is relatively higher than that in public hospitals. Consequently, a big proportion of this profit is invested back in equipping more advanced medical machines and facilities, as well as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients. For instance, in 2018, MedCare company allocated almost 55% of its profit to purchase MRI machines and building new treatment rooms for its patients. However, the main disadvantage of the private healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific, only the affluent have enough money to pay for examination and operation which are conducted in private hospitals, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for medical bills. For example, a survey in 2019 indicates that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money spent on one visit to a private hospital for general health examination. As a result, such poor people would not have equal access to the services in profit-making hospitals, despite receiving medical treatment is a basic necessity. In conclusion, although profit-oriented hospitals may offer equipments with higher quality than government-owned facilities, their high medical costs still outweigh its merit. If the private sector offered a supportive policy to lower the treatment fee, more people would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
It is
commonly
believed that the extravagant price of health care has
been attributed
to the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
enterprises, despite it being a fundamental need of every resident. The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
is that they offer better facilities than state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
institutions, while the main disadvantage is their extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
cost making ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
impossible to access the healthcare services they need. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that its demerit outweigh the merit.

Firstly
, providing high-grade equipment and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
forces are the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
enormous profits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
fee of its patients, which is
relatively
higher than that in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
.
Consequently
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
proportion of this profit
is invested
back in equipping more advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
machines and facilities,
as well
as hiring and training top-notch specialists to serve its clients.
For instance
, in 2018,
Possible spelling mistake found.
MedCare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
allocated almost 55% of its profit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
MRI machines and building new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
rooms for its patients.

However
, the main disadvantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare system is the high price itself. To be more specific,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the affluent have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to pay for examination and operation which
are conducted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
, while a person with low salaries may struggle to pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
bills.
For example
, a survey in 2019 indicates that an ordinary office worker would need up to 1 year to compensate for the money spent on one visit to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
for general health examination.
As a result
, such poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not have equal access to the services in profit-making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
, despite receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
is a basic necessity.

In conclusion
, although profit-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
may offer equipments with higher quality than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
facilities, their high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
costs
still
outweigh its merit. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector offered a supportive policy to lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
fee, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have equal access to its state-of-the-art facilities which it provides.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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