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Write about an environmental problem and suggest solutions? v.1

Write about an environmental problem and suggest solutions? v. 1
Increasingly, many countries are facing environmental problems. Many human activities such as deforestation or nuclear fallout have caused severe damage to the ecosystem. Some researchers have claimed that the earth will be facing major catastrophe within the next hundred years if these activities continue. To tackle these problems, it is believed authorities should impose stricter laws and encourage the use of Eco-friendly products. Firstly, government needs to pass stricter laws on environment degradation activities, beginning with increasing the penalties faced by polluters and follow with consistent patrols. Due to poor regulations, many irresponsible companies have generated large profits to cover fines from their non-compliance operations; some may have even avoided penalties. This can be easily evident from poorly developed countries such as Indonesia and the Philippines, where numerous timber corporations have benefited with plentiful earnings from their over-logging activities. All of these activities have caused severe deforestation, which has led to an increase in global warming across the world. This clearly demonstrates the importance of implementing harsh penalties and constant patrols so that the authorities can promptly prosecute defilers and stop them from destroying the environment. Secondly, societies, companies and business owners should be encouraged to use environmentally friendly products. Eco-friendly products are biodegradable and do not cause any harm to the ecosystem. However, it is common to find that certain individuals are still using chemical products as part of their practice considering that these products are cheaper options. For instance, some farmers are still using chemical fertilizer instead of natural fertilizer. Using chemical products can cause fatal pollution such as air pollution and water pollution. Therefore, encouraging the society and business owners to use environmentally friendly products will help to reduce damage to mother earth. In conclusion, improving the ecosystem requires a great deal of effort as it provides a better living place and atmosphere for all living creatures. Thus, it is hoped that the government can impose strict regulation as well as encourage the society to utilize eco-friendly products with the aim of improving the current state of the environment.
Increasingly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are facing environmental problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as deforestation or nuclear fallout have caused severe damage to the ecosystem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researchers have claimed that the earth will be facing major catastrophe within the
next
hundred years if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
continue. To tackle these problems, it
is believed
authorities should impose stricter laws and encourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Eco-friendly products.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to pass stricter laws on environment degradation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, beginning with increasing the penalties faced by polluters and follow with consistent patrols. Due to poor regulations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irresponsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have generated large profits to cover fines from their non-compliance operations;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may have even avoided penalties. This can be
easily
evident from
poorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as Indonesia and the Philippines, where numerous timber corporations have benefited with plentiful earnings from their over-logging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. All of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have caused severe deforestation, which has led to an increase in global warming across the world. This
clearly
demonstrates the importance of implementing harsh penalties and constant patrols
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the authorities can
promptly
prosecute defilers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from destroying the environment.

Secondly
, societies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and business owners should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
environmentally
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Eco-friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are biodegradable and do not cause any harm to the ecosystem.
However
, it is common to find that certain individuals are
still
using chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as part of their practice considering that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are cheaper options.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farmers are
still
using chemical fertilizer
instead
of natural fertilizer. Using chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can cause fatal pollution such as air pollution and water pollution.
Therefore
, encouraging the society and business owners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
environmentally
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
damage to mother earth.

In conclusion
, improving the ecosystem requires a great deal of effort as it provides a better living place and atmosphere for all living creatures.
Thus
, it
is hoped
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can impose strict regulation
as well
as encourage the society to utilize eco-friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with the aim of improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state of the environment.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Write about an environmental problem and suggest solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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