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Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people's life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v.1

Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people's life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 1
In recent decades, citizens of developed countries have been observing the transformation of rural areas into shopping malls. To my mind, this change influences negatively on surrounding environment and quality of local inhabitants' life. In this essay, I shall refer to a number of examples to illustrate problems that arise due to this trend and propose some ways to mitigate this issue. To begin with, deforestation leads to extinction of some creatures. In other words, because of this transformation, the large number of insects lost their shelters, forcing them to migrate outside the city. For example, shopping centre built in one of Warsaw suburbs caused disappearance of few species that had used to live in this area. I believe that the best solution to tackle this problem is creating separate park areas nearby malls where animals will be able to settle. Secondly, the majority of locals' complaints are related to the noise. To clarify, a few floors of shops and a crowd of daily customers cause sleeplessness of people who live in nearby blocks of flats and were used to being surrounded by rural areas. Due to opening a commercial centre, the level of loudness in close housing estates has increased what might affect residents’ productivity and comfort. For instance, as a result of organising mass events by one of Westfield Shopping Centre, the unemployment rate in residential area has rocketed. The method of dealing with this issue might be implying strict rules and penalties against loud concerts and festivals. In conclusion, while commercial activities are causing environmental deterioration and increase of inhabitants’ comfort, the government authorities must play a strict role in controlling this imbalance.
In recent decades, citizens of
developed countries
have been observing the transformation of rural
areas
into shopping malls. To my mind, this
change
influences
negatively
on surrounding environment and quality of local inhabitants' life. In this essay, I shall refer to a number of examples to illustrate problems that arise due to this trend and propose
some
ways to mitigate this issue.

To
begin
with, deforestation leads to extinction of
some
creatures.
In other words
,
because of this
transformation, the large number of insects lost their shelters, forcing them to migrate outside the city.
For example
, shopping
centre
built in one of Warsaw suburbs caused disappearance of few species that had
used
to
live
in this
area
. I believe that the best solution to tackle this problem is creating separate park
areas
nearby malls where animals will be able to settle.

Secondly
, the majority of locals' complaints
are related
to the noise. To clarify, a few floors of shops and a crowd of daily customers cause sleeplessness of
people
who
live
in nearby blocks of flats and were
used
to
being surrounded
by rural
areas
. Due to opening a commercial
centre
, the level of loudness in close housing estates has increased what might affect residents’ productivity and comfort.
For instance
,
as a result
of
organising
mass
events
by one of Westfield Shopping
Centre
, the unemployment rate in residential
area
has rocketed. The method of dealing with this issue might be implying strict
rules
and penalties against loud concerts and festivals.

In conclusion
, while commercial activities are causing environmental deterioration and increase of inhabitants’ comfort, the
government
authorities
must
play a strict role in controlling this imbalance.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people's life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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