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As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contributing to job satisfaction How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers. v.3

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contributing to job satisfaction How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers. v. 3
As adults, we spend most of our time working. Nevertheless, not everyone is satisfied with their job. Passion for the job and the amount of money paid, are some of the factors that contribute to job satisfaction, although not all adults get accomplished. There are a plethora of reasons why people may or may not find fulfilment in their work. Firstly, having passion for the work. Doing your dream occupation motivates you and brings out the best in you. Consequently, such a person becomes fulfilled, having accomplished his life's ambition. For instance, my father, a retired pilot, still talks about flying with much enthusiasm. On the other hand, an individual would not be satisfied if he hates what he does. Secondly, the amount of money paid as salary or wage. One gets fulfilled when paid handsomely for his labour. Therefore, he is able to meet his needs such as feeding, health care, shelter, and clothing. These build a sense of accomplishment and joy for the job. Even though some people derive satisfaction from their profession, others do not. People work for different reasons. Some do not want to be idle, others want to satisfy the desire of their parents. Therefore, they do not get satisfied from such work. This is common with children having authoritative parents. For example, a neighbour of mine committed suicide recently, having left a suicide note about being coerced into law school, even though he ever desired becoming a doctor. In conclusion, job satisfaction is influenced by many factors. It is important for all workers to have a sense of accomplishment in their work because, we spend a good time there. However, this cannot be realistic as some do hate their job.
As adults, we spend most of our time working.
Nevertheless
, not everyone
is satisfied
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Passion for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and the amount of money paid, are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors that contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction, although not all adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accomplished.

There are a plethora of reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may or may not find
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
passion for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Doing your dream occupation motivates you and brings out the best in you.
Consequently
, such a person becomes fulfilled,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
accomplished his life's ambition.
For instance
, my father, a retired pilot,
still
talks about flying with much enthusiasm.
On the other hand
, an individual would not
be satisfied
if he hates what he does.
Secondly
, the amount of money paid as salary or wage. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
fulfilled when paid
handsomely
for his
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
Therefore
, he is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
his needs such as feeding, health care, shelter, and clothing. These build a sense of accomplishment and joy for the job.

Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
derive satisfaction from their profession, others do not.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
do not want to be idle, others want to satisfy the desire of their parents.
Therefore
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfied from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is common with children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
authoritative parents.
For example
, a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
of mine committed suicide recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a suicide note about
being coerced
into law school,
even though
he ever desired becoming a doctor.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
is influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for all workers to have a sense of accomplishment in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, we spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time there.
However
, this cannot be realistic as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do hate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contributing to job satisfaction How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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