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Nowadays some people say that children should go to school as young as possible. While others believe that children should go to school when they are at least seven years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Nowadays some people say that children should go to school as young as possible. While others believe that children should go to school when they are at least seven years old. v. 2
Nowadays parents become more stressful than in the past when thinking about their kids’ future. Lots of parents wish to put their children into school as early as they could, but ignore whether or not their kids are suitable to school. I believe kids should attend school in their appropriate age. Admittedly, to let teenagers go to school and start studying early can help them become more knowledgeable than peer, and that is the main reason for why some parents advocate this opinion. Parents believe the kids will become mature and clever if been educated longer and earlier. So that it is possible for kids to become the winner in todays’ competitive world. Moreover, parents also consider that if the kids start education early, they can spend their free time on their interest, since they have already learn what they need in young age. However, I believe kids should learn what they need during proper age. First and foremost, it is impossible to let children master too difficult knowledge since their brains are not mature enough to understand except they are over 7. This will cause those young kids have to spend more time in learning. And in a long-term some teenagers have a negative attitude toward learning because of a long length of time in boring study. Another reasons is that kids who over 7 can express their thought more clearly than younger one, since they have complete their language learning and not only can they understand teachers’ explanation in knowledge but also they are competent to voice out what they think about. Overall, to compare two views, I tend to support kids should start their learning experience after 7. Because they have better comprehensive ability and language skill than younger one.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more stressful than in the past when thinking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
future. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wish to put their children into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as early as they could,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are suitable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their appropriate age.

Admittedly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
studying early can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more knowledgeable than peer, and
that is
the main reason for why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
advocate this opinion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
mature and clever if
been educated
longer and earlier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the winner in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
’ competitive world.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
consider that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
education early, they can spend their free time on their interest, since they have already
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
what they need in young age.

However
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should learn what they need during proper age.
First
and foremost, it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
children master too difficult knowledge since their brains are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to understand except they are over 7. This will cause those young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. And in a long-term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a long length of time in boring study. Another reasons
You should probably use: "are".
is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who over 7 can express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
more
clearly
than younger one, since they have complete their language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they understand teachers’ explanation in knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are competent to voice out what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about.

Overall
, to compare two views, I tend to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience after 7.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have better comprehensive ability and language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
than younger one.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays some people say that children should go to school as young as possible. While others believe that children should go to school when they are at least seven years old. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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