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Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should not start primary school until they are six or seven-years-old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should not start primary school until they are six or seven-years-old. v. 1
There is a discussion about when to send children to school is most appropriate. While some insist that children should be educated at school as soon as possible, others oppose this suggestion, believing the school starting age of children should not be earlier than six or seven. I agree with the latter view as it is more reasonable in terms of guaranteeing a healthy growth for children. Those who advocate early school education cite two critical benefits: brain development and improvement of social skills. Some research indicates that being exposed to subjects containing basic reasoning such as maths at a much younger age can contribute to the development of children’s intelligence. This can give children an advantage in the later study of other more sophisticated classes. Also, studying at school before six is believed to be useful at cultivating social skills. Children can learn to communicate with their peers and acquire some primitive tactics of breeding friendship and initiating cooperation. However, others are convinced that children who are under six or seven years old should spend time playing instead of sitting in the classroom. Some renowned psychologists have confirmed that childhood before this age is a golden period for children to build their perceptions of this world, and playing is one of the most effective strategies to achieve this. Early education may deprive children of such precious opportunity. Another significant reason is that many children under six or seven years old may not have been able to understand the content of classes and possibly suffer tediousness or even frustration. In my view, although it is possible to stimulate children’s brain development and foster their social abilities through studying at school at a very young age, this approach may cause negative repercussions, including the disturbance in establishing the recognition of the world and unnecessary dullness and pressure. So, I feel that children ought not to attend primary school too early.
There is a discussion about when to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is most appropriate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be educated
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, others oppose this suggestion, believing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be earlier than six or seven. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view as it is more reasonable in terms of guaranteeing a healthy growth for children.

Those who advocate early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education cite two critical benefits: brain development and improvement of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
research indicates that
being exposed
to subjects containing basic reasoning such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths at
a much younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can contribute to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
intelligence. This can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an advantage in the later study of other more sophisticated classes.
Also
, studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
six
is believed
to be useful at cultivating social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn to communicate with their peers and acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
primitive tactics of breeding friendship and initiating cooperation.

However
, others
are convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are under six or seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should spend time playing
instead
of sitting in the classroom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
renowned psychologists have confirmed that childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is a golden period for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to build their perceptions of this world, and playing is one of the most effective strategies to achieve this. Early education may deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of such precious opportunity. Another significant reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under six or seven years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
may not have been able to understand the content of classes and
possibly
suffer tediousness or even frustration.

In my view, although it is possible to stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
brain development and foster their social abilities through studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, this approach may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions, including the disturbance in establishing the recognition of the world and unnecessary dullness and pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought not to attend primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
too early.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should not start primary school until they are six or seven-years-old. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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