Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. v. 1
Nowadays many parents often wonder if they should allow their children to stay at home until they are old enough to study at primary school or let them go to school as soon as impossible. Whereas, I would argue that sending children to school as early is the best choice. On the one hand, the children who allowed to stay at home have a big amount of time to gain physical development. The reason can be put forward to explain this phenomenal that they don’t have to catch up with the lectures at the school as well as be anxious due to continuous assessment or exams. In Finland which has been known as the best academic education country, the inhabitants are famous for maxims such as “ Let the children be themselves” or “ The children’s business is playing and playing”. Moreover, if the student are not be obliged to go to school early, they can learn a lot in the school of hard knocks or improve society skills such as communicate skill which schools never teach them. On the other hand, it seems to me that letting the children attend to school early is essential. First, they decrease the over-dependence on their parents because their parents are not able to be with them high and low to look after them, they have to prepare almost things they need such as books or breakfast. Secondly, such children can have the capability of having a good grasp of curriculum and pass the formal examination easily than others who stayed at home for ages, since these students have been exposed to studying for a long time which creates a good studying habit. In conclusion, while allowing the children to stay at home does have some benefits, it seems to me that the advantages of a early education for children is a better choice.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
wonder if they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay at home until they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to study at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as impossible. Whereas, I would argue that sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
is the best choice.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to stay at home have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of time to gain physical development. The reason can
be put
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this phenomenal that they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
catch up with the lectures at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as well
as be anxious due to continuous assessment or exams. In Finland which has
been known
as the best academic education country, the inhabitants are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for maxims such as
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be themselves” or
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
business is playing and playing”.
Moreover
, if the student are not
be obliged
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
, they can learn a lot in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
knocks or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communicate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
never teach them.

On the other hand
, it seems to me that letting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
is essential.
First
, they decrease the over-dependence on their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents are not able to be with them high and low to look after them, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare almost things they need such as books or breakfast.
Secondly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have the capability of having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of curriculum and pass the formal examination
Use "(easily)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
easily
than others who stayed at home for ages, since these students have
been exposed
to studying for a long time which creates a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
studying habit.

In conclusion
, while allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay at home does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, it seems to me that the advantages of
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a better choice.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts