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Many countries spend a huge amount of money on supporting their competitors to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend money on children to take part in sports. Discuss both sides v.1

Many countries spend a huge amount of money on supporting their competitors to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend money on children to take part in sports. 1
Many people believe there is no need for countries to spend large sum of money to support athletes join in international competitions. And the money could cause better result if be used in encouraging kids to exercise. While some other people disagree. This essay will discuss both view. No one would deny the importance of winning in international competitions for a country. Trophy is not only the honor for athletes but also show how powerful a country is. That is the main reason for why many countries are willing to invest athletes to attain famous competitions such Olympic Games or world football match. Moreover, the victory in sports game can raise a strong self-confidence in domestic. For instance, Chinese athletes seldom lose in table tennis match around the world, and therefore Chinese people have a strong confidence in this sport. Finally, when watching sports competition which domestic athletes attained, audiences will have more possibility to exercise later. This can also help citizens to stay healthy. However, people who advocate that government should put money to encourage children to doing sport is also reasonable. First and foremost, children are the hope for a country. So to make next generation have strong and healthy body is a significant goal in education process. Instead of wasting money in few athletes, to increase sports facilities and attract kids to playing sports will bring more benefits, since children may be more healthy and energetic by exercise. Moreover, sports game such as basketball and soccer can cultivate a sense of cooperation within teenagers. It can help them finish team work better in future study or career. In conclusion, I believe both are important toward countries. But since teenagers are hope for countries, give them a better base of life will be more necessary for countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe there is no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to spend large sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could cause better result if be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in encouraging kids to exercise. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree. This essay will discuss both view.

No one would deny the importance of winning in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Trophy is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the honor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how powerful a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is.
That is
the main reason for why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are willing to invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to attain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
such Olympic Games or world football match.
Moreover
, the victory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game can raise a strong self-confidence in domestic.
For instance
, Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
seldom lose in table tennis match around the world, and
therefore
Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a strong confidence in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Finally
, when watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
which domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
attained, audiences will have more possibility to exercise later. This can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
citizens to stay healthy.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to encourage children to
Did you mean "do"?
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
also
reasonable.
First
and foremost, children are the hope for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
next
generation have strong and healthy body is a significant goal in education process.
Instead
of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
, to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and attract kids to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will bring more benefits, since children may be more healthy and energetic by exercise.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
game such as basketball and soccer can cultivate a sense of cooperation within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them finish team work better in future study or career.

In conclusion
, I believe both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are hope for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, give them a better base of life will be more necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many countries spend a huge amount of money on supporting their competitors to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend money on children to take part in sports. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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