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Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Due to increasing population, new shelters are required, but due to less availability of land, construction can only be done in the countryside. In my opinion, I agree that it is better to stop constructing homes there to save the environment around the countryside. However, I believe that they should be constructed in less populated areas. Finding places in the outer area is the only option left, because neither there is space available in the city centre, nor it is advisable to live there due to very bad air quality. According to the world health survey 2018, the city stands on third number with respect to air quality index that is much worse than previous year data. This is considered by many people that outside areas are providing better environment and peaceful life. Shifting there forces the government to cut more trees instead of protecting them, that will result in decreasing greenery and less amount of oxygen, although the beauty of any country depends on the amount of natural sources present there but some residents are neglecting this. According to local government, last month, shows that a total of 543 trees was cut down during last two years, causing a very dangerous situation and it will become very difficult to recover. To conclude, according to my point of view, protecting plants around the countryside have to be our first priority because without them our survival is tough. Other than humans, most of the animals are totally dependent on jungle for food and survival, as a result they are becoming extinct. For that we have to start sharing apartments if feasible and use public transport on priority.
Due to increasing population, new shelters
are required
,
but
due to less availability of land, construction can
only
be done
in the countryside. In my opinion, I
agree
that it is better to
stop
constructing homes there to save the environment around the countryside.
However
, I believe that they should
be constructed
in less populated areas.

Finding places in the outer area is the
only
option
left
,
because
neither there is space available in the city
centre
, nor it is advisable to
live
there due to
very
bad
air quality. According to the world health survey 2018, the city stands on third number with respect to air quality index
that is
much worse than previous year data. This
is considered
by
many
people
that outside areas are providing better environment and peaceful life.

Shifting there forces the
government
to
cut
more trees
instead
of protecting them, that will result in decreasing greenery and less amount of oxygen, although the beauty of any country depends on the amount of natural sources present there
but
some
residents are neglecting this. According to local
government
, last month,
shows
that a total of 543 trees was
cut
down during last two years, causing a
very
dangerous
situation and it will become
very
difficult to recover.

To conclude
, according to my point of view, protecting plants around the countryside
have to
be our
first
priority
because
without them our survival is tough. Other than humans, most of the animals are
totally
dependent on jungle for food and survival,
as a result
they are becoming extinct. For that we
have to
start
sharing apartments if feasible and
use
public transport on priority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays some older people choose to live in retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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