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Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid? v.6

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Which jobs should be highly paid? v. 6
The high income of celebs is always a matter of dispute. While I agree with the statement that the celebrities are getting a large amount of money than other professionals, I also believe that the people of other professions who serve for the humanity and out society should be highly paid. The entertainers and sportspersons are the highest earners of the society. The main reason behind it is that they serve their whole life to entertain and inspire us. Their piece of work is always an inspiration not only for our daily life, but also for the society. In addition to this, the sportspersons compete with the other participants of different countries to achieve fame and victory for their country. The life of the celebrities is more complex than the ordinary people. They are always followed by paparazzi, they have no privacy. To maintain their lifestyles and security, they are spending more bucks. So, above reason they should paid much money. On the other hand, there are many other professionals who must be paid high amount of salaries. Doctors and nurses serve to save others life should be paid higher salaries. The teachers who spend their life to teach a nation for a brighter future, the researchers who spend their whole life for inventing or discovering cure of the diseases should deserve the highest amount of salaries. Besides this, the firefighters and police man who risk their life to safe people should have high salaries. To sum up, although the celebrities are overpaid, I think that they deserve it because of their contributions in the society. I also believe that people of other professions who serve their life for the sake of humanity must be paid high remuneration.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income of celebs is always a matter of dispute. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that the celebrities are getting a large amount of money than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals, I
also
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
for the humanity and out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should be
highly
paid.

The entertainers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
are the highest earners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The main reason behind it is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to entertain and inspire us. Their piece of work is always an inspiration not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
In addition
to this, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
participants of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries to achieve fame and victory for their country. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the celebrities is more complex than the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They are always followed by paparazzi, they have no privacy. To maintain their lifestyles and security, they are spending more bucks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, above reason they should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "pay"
paid
much money.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
amount of salaries. Doctors and nurses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
to save others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher salaries. The teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to teach a nation for a brighter future, the researchers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for inventing or discovering cure of the diseases should deserve the highest amount of salaries.
Besides
this, the firefighters and police
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
to safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries.

To sum up, although the celebrities are overpaid, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they deserve it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their contributions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for the sake of humanity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Which jobs should be highly paid? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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