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Some people say that mobile phone plays a major role in their professional life. Others say it plays more important role in their personal life. Discuss both sides. What is your opinion? v.2

Some people say that mobile phone plays a major role in their professional life. Others say it plays more important role in their personal life. What is your opinion? v. 2
The smart phones are one of the latest and most innovative inventions of modern science. It have lots of benefits in our personal and professional lives. It is believed by some people that it has several uses in our professional lives, others think that it has positive impact on our personal lives. In my opinion, I agree with both statement and also believe that the impact of the mobile phones, nowadays, are beyond description. The smartphones make our professional lives more convenient. For businessman and officials, it is one of the most important device to deal with different business and official work. It is helpful for solving different problems in professional lives. For instance, smartphones have built in Microsoft office application that help to solve official problem without the help of the computer and laptop, it is not much heavy to carry. On the other hand, in our personal lives, the smartphones play a crucial role. We can now communicate with our friends and family very easily by using it. Video calls are now available in the smartphones. We can now watch our loving one from a long distance via the mobile phones. Besides this, there are different applications are available in the smartphones that help in our transportation. For example, UBER is a ride sharing application, one’s can call car or motorbike without any hassle for traveling. For this reason, we do not have to wait for long time for public bus, it saves of time. To sum up, undoubtedly, the smart phones have tremendous effects on our professional and personal lives. In this modern world, we can not ignore the benefits of the smartphones.
The smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are one of the latest and most innovative inventions of modern science. It
Did you mean "has"?
have
lots of benefits in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that it has several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both statement and
also
believe that the impact of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, nowadays, are beyond description.

The smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more convenient. For businessman and officials, it is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Please check whether a plural form of 'device' should be used.
device
to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
business and official work. It is helpful for solving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For instance
, smartphones have built in
Did you mean the proper noun "Microsoft Office" (= Microsoft product)?
Microsoft office
application that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve official problem without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the computer and laptop, it is not much heavy to carry.

On the other hand
, in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, the smartphones play a crucial role. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
communicate with our friends and family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
by using it. Video calls are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available in the smartphones. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
our loving one from a long distance via the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Besides
this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
applications are available in the smartphones that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in our transportation.
For example
, UBER is a ride sharing application, one’s can call car or motorbike without any hassle for traveling.
For this reason
, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for long time for public bus, it saves of time.

To sum up,
undoubtedly
, the smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have tremendous effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In this modern world, we can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the benefits of the smartphones.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that mobile phone plays a major role in their professional life. Others say it plays more important role in their personal life. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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