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Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid? v.4

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Which jobs should be highly paid? v. 4
The future generation of a nation has based on the youngster's behaviour. They do not understand it and start to travel in a wrong path due to several reasons and end up into doing criminal offence. In this essay, the reasons why teenagers are active against the law and solutions to solve this problem. Teenagers activities would have changed for several reasons, but one of the main reasons is that the surroundings where they live. The youth has a nature to copy others by influence, so they do not think it is neither correct nor wrong. The only thing, it should be attractive to the youngster. For example, if a friend of someone is cheating his father, will have an attraction to his friend to do the same thing without any second thought. In addition, the parent's supervision and responsibility lags have made their children travel into a wrong path freely. The teenagers exposed to more on social media websites, so they start to know that illegal activities can be finished without any clues and think this will reach a productive lifestyle as soon as possible. They are some sites which tell how to murder a person without any clue to the police force. In most cases, the maturity level of the youngster is less, that is one of the reasons for delinquency is frequently occurring with these people. They are not checking their footpath what they are travelling is neither correct nor wrong. On the other hand, to stop these kinds of mistakes, the youngsters should be punished, and the law to be changed as they have to regret their mistake within the punishment period. Even though the parent's child attain the teenager level, the parents should have the responsibility to take care of their children. They cannot focus only to earn money for their children, and they have to guide them to travel correctly. Moreover, the education system should want a change and try to teach the ethics, morality of life, instead of only getting knowledge. In conclusion, the young generation will not change what they are doing, so the parents or teachers should take the responsibility to switch the way of thinking of teenagers and try to change them as a socially acceptable person.
The future generation of a nation has based on the youngster's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. They do not understand it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to travel in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path due to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up into doing criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
. In this essay, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are active against the law and solutions to solve this problem.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
activities would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that the surroundings where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The youth has a nature to copy others by influence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is neither correct nor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing, it should be attractive to the youngster.
For example
, if a friend of someone is cheating his father, will have an attraction to his friend to do the same thing without any second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
In addition
, the parent's supervision and responsibility lags have made their children travel into a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path
freely
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
exposed to more on social media websites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to know that illegal activities can
be finished
without any clues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will reach a productive lifestyle as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sites which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
how to murder a person without any clue to the police force.
In most cases
, the maturity level of the youngster is less,
that is
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for delinquency is
frequently
occurring with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They are not checking their footpath what they are travelling is neither correct nor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

On the other hand
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these kinds of mistakes, the youngsters should
be punished
, and the law to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
regret their mistake within the punishment period.
Even though
the parent's child attain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
level, the parents should have the responsibility to take care of their children. They cannot focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to earn money for their children, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
guide them to travel
correctly
.
Moreover
, the education system should want a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and try to teach the ethics, morality of life,
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
getting knowledge.

In conclusion
, the young generation will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
what they are doing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the parents or teachers should take the responsibility to switch the way of thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
them as a
socially
acceptable person.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Which jobs should be highly paid? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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