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Many things that used to be done in the home by hands, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done by using machines. Discuss the advantages or disadvantages of this development. v.2

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done by using machines. Discuss the advantages or disadvantages of this development. v. 2
In this modern world we have invented different types of machines which not only reduce our workload but also make our life more easy and comfortable. Using machines in our daily work have both positive and negative impact. One of the advantages of mechanical equipment which is used in our workplace save our valuable time. For instance, now, we can solve different critical calculations within a short time, in compared to the calculation which was done manually by hand. Thus, we do not have to wait for a long time to solve a single calculation. The machines also can do heavy lifting work which is too heavy or too delicate for human muscles. For example, a crane can lift tons of loads which a man never can. Without the aid of machinery, such jobs would not have been done. On the other hand, the machine which is used in different job sector has also some drawbacks. One of the negative effects of the use of machinery is that it pollutes our environment. Most of the mechanical tools us fossil fuels which produce carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. As a result, it causes air pollution. Due to this air pollution, humans are suffering from different diseases. Another disadvantage of the machines is that it increases unemployment rates. In different industries, a single machine can produce thousands of products at a faster rate than the human. To illustrate, while a man can only make few dozen pins in a day by himself, with the help of machinery he can make thousands. Therefore, it does not require lots of workers. To sum up, the beneficial effect of the machine is undeniable in our lives. Although it has some drawback, we can minimize its negative consequences by taking effective awareness programs.
In this modern world we have invented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our workload
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life more easy and comfortable. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in our daily work have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.

One of the advantages of mechanical equipment which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our workplace save our valuable time.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we can solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
critical calculations within a short time, in compared to the calculation which
was done
manually
by hand.
Thus
, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for a long time to solve a single calculation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
also
can do heavy lifting work which is too heavy or too delicate for human muscles.
For example
, a crane can lift tons of loads which a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
never can. Without the aid of machinery, such jobs would not have
been done
.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
job sector has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of machinery is that it pollutes our environment. Most of the mechanical tools us fossil fuels which produce carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases.
As a result
, it causes air pollution. Due to this air pollution, humans are suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
diseases. Another disadvantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
is that it increases unemployment rates. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
industries, a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
can produce thousands of products at a faster rate than the human. To illustrate, while a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
few dozen pins in a day by himself, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of machinery he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
thousands.
Therefore
, it does not require lots of workers.

To sum up, the beneficial effect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
is undeniable in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback, we can minimize its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "by". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences by
taking effective awareness programs.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hands, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done by using machines. Discuss the advantages or disadvantages of this development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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