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Nowadays people work too hard at their jobs. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help out? v.1

Nowadays people work too hard at their jobs. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help out? v. 1
In a modern competitive environment, it has been observed that people work very hard at their workplace. This is mainly because of the job insecurity and to meet the company’s goal. There are a number of steps which should be taken by the employers to reduce the workload on employees. Firstly, the reason for most of the employees work very hard for their firms is due to the insecurity of jobs. That is to say, nowadays people are completely aware that if they do not work according to the expectations of the employer, they will be fired immediately and replaced with the new applicant because of the high availability of unemployed, yet skilled people in the market. Secondly, burden on employees is also owing to the company’s policy of hiring a limited number of employees to run their business. As a result, employees have to work long hours in order to finish the assigned projects before deadline. There are two effective solution to the problem of overburden on employees. One way to tackle this is that employers should provide latest infrastructure facilities to its workers, which means employees should be provided with up to date computers and printers to speed up the work process. For instance, Intel Corporation, an IT Company in the United States, offers robot support to its employees, to minimise their burden, which eventually enhance their efficiency. Another method in reducing the burden on employees is that companies should hire a greater number of employees. This solution would hopefully prevent the workload on a single employee as work will be equally distributed among all the employees. In conclusion, using latest equipment and hiring a greater number of employees are effective in dealing with the issue. If employers implemented these solutions, the burden on employees would soon reduce.
In a modern competitive environment, it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at their workplace. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the job insecurity and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
goal. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of steps which should
be taken
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the workload on employees.

Firstly
, the reason for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for their firms is due to the insecurity of jobs.
That is
to say, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are completely aware that if they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
according to the expectations of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
, they will
be fired
immediately and replaced with the new applicant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high availability of unemployed,
yet
skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the market.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burden
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is
also
owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
policy of hiring a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to run their business.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours in order to finish the assigned projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deadline.

There are two effective solution to the problem of overburden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. One way to tackle this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should provide
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
infrastructure facilities to its workers, which means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
be provided
with up to date computers and printers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
process.
For instance
, Intel Corporation, an IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
in the United States, offers robot support to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burden
, which
eventually
enhance their efficiency. Another method in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burden
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should hire a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. This solution would
hopefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the workload on a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will be
equally
distributed among all the employees.

In conclusion
, using
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
equipment and hiring a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are effective in dealing with the issue. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
implemented these solutions, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burden
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people work too hard at their jobs. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help out? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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